Skip to main content

Life in three words

So this quote is moving around facebook "Life in three words; it goes on"

It's not like I didn't know that. I always did. In fact, I've always depended on that fact; knowing that eventually life goes on, as in not wait for me, as in, time will pass keda keda regardless of me doing or not doing anything with it.

I think as much as that fact is comforting in itself, people like myself , control-freaks , find it hard to accept in some ways. Meaning, life will go on without my intervention, oh my God! What will it turn out like? What can I do about that? How can I make sure that it goes on in the direction I want? All these questions are basically answered negatively. That, as a control-freak, kills me!

I faced my demons last night, how much I need to let go of the illusion of control that I give myself. I've been holding on to the past so hard, refusing to give life a chance to go on. I thought I couldn't let go. This whole letting go issue is really difficult for me. Really. You know those trust games where you're supposed to close your eyes and let yourself fall, knowing that your partner will catch you? I'd never do it, never did, never will! I can't consciously let go. I'm trying though, which brings us to the point I was trying to say. After all the events that I have been through in the last year(OC, Almasry Alyoum, friendships, heartbreaks...etc), I've been torn between wanting to let go and wanting to hold on to the memories, I took some physical steps but didn't take any emotional ones. Then I realized, everyone else's life goes on, perhaps except mine, cause I'm not letting it. My friend's lives are going out according to their plan/preferences, my family are having their life according to their carefully calculated plan, prince charming has his life going in the direction he wants, God, even the enemy's life is getting better. It's only my life that's not, or at least doesn't seem to be. Maybe because I am holding on to the past since I don't have a plan for the future. Again I get side-tracked. The point is, I am trying to let go of the past, trying to give life a chance to go on, trying to be optimistic about the future and be the sunshine person I used to be. It wont be easy, my control-phobia and my nostaliga will come between me and letting go, but one thing for sure...

Life goes on... and so will mine!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

الفرق بين الطبخ على نار هادئة والطبخ السريع

 لاحظت إن بقى لى فترة كل تدويناتي إما تتحدث عن الحب (أو عدمه) والمشاعر (أو عدمها) أو تدوينات حزينة نكدية بتبني جو من  الكآبة العامة اللي محدش لا طايقها ولا ناقصها اصلا. فقررت بيني وبين نفسي أني مش هكتب حتى يكون عندي شئ خفيف وظريف أكتب عنه. المشكلة للأسف اللي وجهتني هي أن كل اللي بيدور في بالي دلوقتي إما الشغل ومشاكله اللي مبتخلصش أو حوار المشاعر اللي قلت إني مش هتكلم فيه، فقررت أسكت. بس النهارده وأنا في العربية مراوحة البيت من الشغل جائت لي فكرة قلت رغم إنها بتكسر شوية القرار اللي فوق إلا إنها تمشي مع فكرة خفيفة فممكن نعملها إستثناء فكرت في قد إيه "الإعجاب أو الإنبهار" بشخص ده عامل زي طرق الطبيخ، فيها السريع واللي على نار هادئة والللي الواحد يقعد يجهز فيه ويستنى عليه في الفرن إنه يستوي، مبيستويش. طبعا أنا محبب عليا أقول "الحب عامل زي الطبيخ"، بس من ناحية، أنا لسة من كام يوم بقول إن الإعجاب محتاج كثير علشان يبقى حب أصلا، ومن ناحية تانية حسيت إن الجملة مستهلكة جدا من قبل النكت القالشة.    أنا كنت طول عمري بميل للطبيخ السريع، زي طريقة "ستير فراي"، في...

Reflections on tolerance , intelligence and beauty

Tolerance I find it really interesting how many people who claim themselves open-minded , sophisticated , cultured and well-read would use the word "tolerance" to justify socially unacceptable behavior or ideologies. They would claim themselves tolerant to different religious/spiritual views, to taboo topics, eccentric friends ,...etc and even preach the more reserved about tolerating and accepting others. Yet, these very "tolerant" people would not even remotely accept a conservative or religious person. A girl I know , to prove her so-called tolerance would always preach "Guys, you should always be more tolerant. Take things easier. The world is very diverse and we should learn to accept each other. For one, I learned to cope with things; I even lived with a gay flat-mate when I lived in the US and I have friends of all faiths." This same girl, when talking to me about my own brother would still say "I can't stand how those so called religious...

Privacy Issues

Last night, I was having dinner with the OC gang when Mardini decided to pop the question that everyone seems to be talking about these days, "who would you vote for in the presidential elections?". When it was my turn to answer I said "I don't share my political opinions" which apparently threw some  off balance. Meyo and Zei understood perfectly well and gave me acknowledging looks that they respect my "no share" zone. Toulan on the other hand, at first, gave me the raised eyebrow for a minute then said "Ya zeww, ya3ni you share everything but don't share your political opinions". Naturally, he was referring to this blog. The thing is, everyone has some issues they consider private, yes, even me! Maybe to you readers, it's  natural to assume one's romantic life is private or that one's thoughts and feelings are private. For me honestly, these are not an issue. I mean, privacy, like everything else, is relative! To me, 3 ...