A piece of my mind

It hurts, and you've been avoiding it, hoping it gets better, but it just doesn't! Pain won't go away on its own, right? A new approach is, if it hurts, beat it harder, you'll either faint and loose consciousness or develop immunity ; either way, it won't hurt!

When in stress, some people hear or see things that aren't there. But my mind, somehow , insists on being original. When my mind plays tricks on me, I *smell* things. It may seem normal to most of you but really, if you know me at all, you'd know that on most day, i don't use my sense of smell in the first place due to my allergies. So when I said I smell jasmines and flowers at my room, and people "liked" my facebook status, I realized, hell, they have no idea how serious the situation is. Or is my life becoming that much of a joke!

It all started when I realized that I heard more stories in the last year about people who took off to "find their true selves", "search for the truth" or "look for the meaning of life" than I have ever heard in my life. I guess in the past, I've always heard about it in movies ; the middle-aged American millionaire who achieved everything in life and feels empty sells his entire company and use the money to buy a yacht to tour the world. Or the Japanese wiz-kid who retires at the age of 30 with his billions and decides to use the rest of his life as a chance to make up to the world for the harmful inventions he created. Maybe the European royalty who got so sick and tired of fame, fortune, fast expensive cars and fabulous female companions and went on exploring the meaning of life by sleeping on the street in rags. But to hear that people doing this search/exploration/adventure..etc are people I know (or at least can relate to at some level), either s...

There is this emptiness. And apparently , I'm not the only one feeling it; others feel it too, or at least have felt it. I've talked to some, heard the story of others, read (and reading ) books. It may just be a phase , but its challenging me mentally. I gave quite an introduction but still haven't mentioned what the hell I mean. That's really it.. I don't "exactly" know what I mean.. I know it has to do with: identity - partners/families or the lack of - travel/immigration - life's purpose..etc. I think , i'll be blogging about some of these thoughts and questions within the next few days, and comments are highly appreciated since it is a thought process not a finalized thought or idea

Does it bother anyone, other than me, how the security personnel at the malls go through your bags ? I mean, it's one thing that we're probably the only country in the world where a shopping mall is treated , with regards to security regulations, as an airport; with the dogs sniffing around your car before you enter the parking lot, metal detector gates that you pass through, machines to monitor your bags/purse at every entry..etc. It's completely another thing that although they have those huge complex machines which you put your bag on to be monitored, they never use them, and instead they have some girl in a security uniform, who is totally ignorant about everything in life , let alone items that breach security, go through my handbag watching my purse, makeup, USB stick, laptop..etc. I find it really annoying. It has been annoying me for a while but last night , it got on my nerve big time. The girl actually was touching my stuff , messing my bag, not just looking in. T...

I had a funny feeling when I passed beside 11 Nadi El-Seid (OC's old office). I felt some sort of pride mixed with a bit of nostalgia, but no, I didn't feel sad. I miss you OC, but I'll make you proud!

So this quote is moving around facebook "Life in three words; it goes on" It's not like I didn't know that. I always did. In fact, I've always depended on that fact; knowing that eventually life goes on, as in not wait for me, as in, time will pass keda keda regardless of me doing or not doing anything with it. I think as much as that fact is comforting in itself, people like myself , control-freaks , find it hard to accept in some ways. Meaning, life will go on without my intervention, oh my God! What will it turn out like? What can I do about that? How can I make sure that it goes on in the direction I want? All these questions are basically answered negatively. That, as a control-freak, kills me! I faced my demons last night, how much I need to let go of the illusion of control that I give myself. I've been holding on to the past so hard, refusing to give life a chance to go on. I thought I couldn't let go. This whole letting go issue is really difficul...

Dearest Mostafa , I miss you so much. It's not like I didn't expect it, but really, I can't get my life back straight since you're gone. First it was work, which I sorted out. Then came the loneliness , so I got in touch with friends. Then it was the energy so I gave myself some time to recharge. then there was ... and there was and there was... For every problem isolated, there is a solution. But for the emptiness you left inside me, there is none. Nothing will bring you back! It was Valentine's day last Sunday and it brought me down big time. I tired to compare this Valentine's to last years. The only difference was that I had you! I was trying so hard to remember what was last Valentine's like. It's not like I went out to celebrate bring single, nor had a wonderful romantic date with prince charming. I remembered there was something, but I couldn't remember what it was. And then it came to me last night. Last Valentine's I was busy working. We...

I'd like to think I'm not a high-tempered neurotic person nor am I a calm and quiet one either. Pretty much a normal girl who tries hard to keep my emotional outbursts to the minimum in public. I don't know how long has this been happening, but it's a recent thing, probably a couple of months or so. It's like because so many feelings and emotions are kept inside, I sort of get those emotional bursts. If it were a movie, you'd see my hair big and messy, dark makeup melting off my eyes, shouting , insulting and cursing. Yelling at the top of my lungs like a crazy person. Then in a few seconds, I push some of it out and go back to calmness. In the movie version, I straighten my hair, wash my face, put on some lip gloss and smile my way back into whatever I was doing. It's odd. It doesn't happen often, but it does happen! Only for a few seconds like I said. And thank God, only inside my head. Sometimes , I really wish I can just tell it to the face of the pe...

Like I always say, I hate to be the person who shares the sad news but fails to update you when something pleasant happens. I got some amazing feedback on this post . Not only that, but I was faced with another situation worth sharing. A friend calls me to invite me to dinner at her house and actually asked , "Yasmine, we would be serving some wine, would you mind?". And I thought nobody asks any more, but she's a darling anyway; one of the most understanding and accepting people I met. I was put in the cross road again, say no and I'll sit there blaming myself, say yes and they'll be thinking I judge them or their lifestyle. And boy was I wrong. I thought about it a little then got back to her, apologizing for that evening while trying to explain that it was about my rules and restrictions versus their lifestyle which I understand and respect. She was not only accepting, but understanding . We discussed different restrictions people have and how they tolerate o...

Ok, so most of you don't know this about me, but it has been about 5-6 years when I made my decision not to hang out with people while consuming alcohol. I don't have any objections to people consuming alcohol on their own, nor would it change my impression/liking of them. Just not while I'm around, for religious reasons. Last night, in a social event with some friends and their friends, people started drinking. Not drunk, just drinking. The thing is, in the past, when people were around a muhajaba, they'd ask if anyone minded but apparently, not anymore. So anyway, two people ordered drinks. And I , for some odd reason, couldn't say anything. Maybe it was because it was a birthday and I didn't want to make a scene (which in this case , I should have just excused myself and left). I really don't know why, I just didn't. I sat there, blaming myself and did nothing. I thought about God alot, how I felt bad regarding it. But I also thought about my friends...

I'm sure I mentioned this before here, how much I hate the new year with all its resolutions that never get done. Usually the new year blues continue till a little after my birthday (21 Jan). I'm usually disappointed about the things that I should have done and didn't or disturbed on how fast the year before flew. Well not this year! 2009 was the sorriest excuse of a year I had to go through. It was so bad that when it was over, I just didn't have enough energy to even think about the good things in that year (if any), and honestly, I couldn't bother. Anyway, I decided, to kick-start a good year 2010, I decided to celebrate my 29th birthday in London. My thirty something friends tell me that this is THE year I should enjoy as thirties isn't that great. But for me, honestly, I was just too drained I needed a break. Why London? London is where I realized who I really was, what I really like and explored different environments than what I was subjected to back hom...

I thought about it over and over again and I made my decision. Had it been a normal feature however big, we would have decided its not worth the effort. But wait, why compare it to a feature when its much much more. Had it been a proposed new project, the feasibility study would prove it not worthwhile, so we won't bother. So, I did study all the aspects, examine them closely and took a rational unemotional decision. I don't like life...I want out. My decision should neither imply that I'm depressed (although I am, but that's beside the point), nor that I am suicidal (cause I'm not at all). I'm just adding 1+1 rationally and unemotionally; I don't like life, I want out! Oh, and happy new year!

Their eyes met. And with no introduction, she felt her spirits lifted, as his eyes whispered some hidden secret to hers. They exchanged a casual conversation and she excused herself and left. They met again a couple of days later, he left the room as swiftly as he entered. She wished she could talk to him, get to know him better, but it was not the time nor place. Sounds like a couple of lines from a trashy romantic novel? Well not really, they're a couple of moments from my own life. Not that they mean anything. I mean, we meet interesting people that we hope to get to know better all the time, no? And its not like I beleive in love (or like) at first sight , in the first place . And its not that I saw him again, anyway. Fa eih ba2a? Nothing really. There is a bit of guilt and a bit of happiness. Well guilt because of how I feel towards dude ( dude being the one I love who is in love with someone else ). I mean, how can one be interested in guy while they are in love with dude (g...

They say they love you , but they keep trying to change you. So what is it that you love about me, if you want to turn me into you?

With my new job, I changed work location from Dokki, to Garden City. With the major parking issues in Garden City, I thought I'll park at the other side of Al Qasr Al Einy Street and walk a a couple of mins to the office. Aside from the fact that I failed at that horrendously , it's the walk that is important. The walk to the office would last from 5 to 15 mins depending on how far I parked. During this short walk, I'd watch people and what they do. Students going to school or university, people heading to work, random people just there in the street for no particular reason, people at an 2ahwa (local cafe), police officers, car keepers, doormen,...etc. That made me realize something, ragol al share3 al masry (By that I mean anonymous random people in the street, a friend doesnt count, neither someone you see in the office but don't know their name. I'm talking about the guy in the street that knows he will never see you again) Ragol Al Share3 Al Masry will see a...

How does one differentiate between fear of something new and a bad hunch? Given a hunch is your inner feeling or your intuition, And since everyone is saying against it, And since everyone is always right, and its only after you're almost drowned that you realized you should have listened. Does this mean you should listen this time too? And if so, what do you do about this bad feeling tying you down? But then, the times when you followed advice , you ended up as messed up as when you followed your own guts. On one hand, you have someone to blame but on the other hand, you were a lot unhappy while following this advice as it didn't feel right. So , what do you do? Wait and see

Do you guys know what happens inside the brain when try to convince yourself and believe in things that by definition are unnatural to you? Imagine a security gate at the entrance of your brain, which stops every incoming idea/value/theory/rule/analysis of situations/decisions... etc before it enters to question it and see where it fits within the natural classification of the brain. By natural classification, i'll assume that your brain already has different rooms for what you like and believe in, what you can accept but prefer not to be involved in, and what you can't absolutely acknowledge and others as needed So what happens is, that security gate sorts out which incoming go to which room. So far that sounds well and good, but what happens is, sometimes while an idea is roaming freely in your brain, it meets a certain "analysis of situation" which belong to a different room. They chat for a while and move on each to their designated place. Bardo 3adi, even if thes...

Theories of brain structure and function have it that there are two sides of the brain: the right and left sides. The left side of the brain leans towards(or get stimulated by) logic, sequence, details, rules, facts, words and languages, practicality, strategies and patterns. The right side , on the other hand, gets stimulated by imagination, colors, symbols, images, spaces, feelings, intuition , and things that "sound right" more than things that "make sense". People tend to have preference to use either side more than the other, which obviously affects their education, growth, interests, hobbies and so forth. People who are 'left-brain-sided' (yes i made up that term) tend to be rational, analytic and objective. They prefer the maths and sciences and its easier for them to remember names rather than faces(or shapes). People who are 'right-brain-sided' tend to be more imaginative, creative and big-picture oriented. They prefer arts, philosophy &...