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We had the same conversation agin. I keep telling him he does not exist; he is imaginary, only in my head. He says he is the only thing that is real, and everything else doesn't matter. I tell him he has to leave, and he insists that I'm the one making him stay.  I tell him I'm too tired to argue,  how is it he only comes around when I'm most vulnerable. He says he comes when knows I need him. And like always, I end up asking him to stay, just tonight; to hold me until I sleep. And like always, he does. And like always, I miss him when he goes.
Recent posts

How

How do you tell a stranger, I love you The idea of you Everything about you The thought of you never leaves my mind Seeing you makes me smile ? How do you say all that without blushing like a 14 year old when you’ve already doubled that age? And how do you expect the stranger to react?
You said you were different. You kept saying you'll be my rock, always there for me when I need you. But on the first sign of emotions, you run and hide. Please remind me again how you think you're different! The way I see it, you're all interested in the hunt, just the hunt. Good thing I never let those walls down. I'm out

Strong Woman

I came across this quote about a week ago, it touched me so deep, that I saved the image, and  kept re-reading it over and over again until I figured out why it resonated so much. Let's leave feminism on the side, that's not the point here. Let's just focus on strength. Strong women are just awesome! I'm not talking about successful career women, not presidents of nations.. I'm talking about female strength in general which comes in all forms, shapes and sizes. During my teens, I hated being girl. I felt it was unfair, I wanted the freedom, the lack of awkwardness, the open options and the respect. But I was strong enough to fight for what I wanted; and honestly, had the support of an incredible family who weren't intimidated by female strength. Back then of course, we called it guts not strength. In my twenties, I figured out that actually, it's not that bad being girl. People always expected less of me, so I had a chance to excel with very little

Updates on 2014's Resolutions

Around this time last year, I wrote a few blog posts; - I was fascinated by the concept of the " femmes fatales ", little did I know that the twists and turns of time can turn me into one when I was not looking. I am not (or at least trying not to be) a manipulative bitch, but one has to admire the power women can have over men and how to exercise it. Evil? Don't think so. Powerful? You bet! - I also talked about a state of Limbo caused by a guy, or rather, the lack of a certain guy. Well, Limbo has doubled; lack of guy and presence of another guy, and And apparently, it's one of those things that time alone can't solve. Something has to happen. No idea what. But just sitting there waiting for time to pass didn't/doesn't work. And the kind of ideas that occur to me to do (and the actions based on the silly ideas) don't work either. - And on 2014 's resolutions; one has to say, not bad at all: 1- although we began the year with significant w

It's all new to me

I'm in that state when I don't know myself anymore. I used to be tense when in silent, but now I appreciate silence more than words most of the time. I used to understand how I feel about different things/people/plans/places but so far, I don't even have feelings towards most things. I am used to knowing, now the most common thing I say is "I don't know". And I'm used to being emotional, now I feel cold & distant, from everyone and anyone. I used to be kind, sensitive and selfless, now I look at myself and don't know who this selfish, abusive, exploiting, manipulative bitch is. And where did the nice one go? I'm very confused, I'm emotionally drained and I can't make up my mind. I'm stuck in a vacuum of thoughts and emotions looking at the ticking clock wondering when that state will end. It's new to me and I don't like it.

وفي النهاية... الرقيقة دائما تنتصر

  المشكلة الحقيقية هي أن الرقيقة خدعتهم كلهم، هي الأقوى رغم انف من يجرأ ان يقول غير ذلك. رغم كل شئ تجرأ على التخيل والحلم والحب. رغم الجرح الذي لم يلتئم بعد. رغم محاربة الكل. في النهاية... الرقيقة دائما تنتصر