Ok, so most of you don't know this about me, but it has been about 5-6 years when I made my decision not to hang out with people while consuming alcohol. I don't have any objections to people consuming alcohol on their own, nor would it change my impression/liking of them. Just not while I'm around, for religious reasons.
Last night, in a social event with some friends and their friends, people started drinking. Not drunk, just drinking. The thing is, in the past, when people were around a muhajaba, they'd ask if anyone minded but apparently, not anymore. So anyway, two people ordered drinks. And I , for some odd reason, couldn't say anything. Maybe it was because it was a birthday and I didn't want to make a scene (which in this case , I should have just excused myself and left). I really don't know why, I just didn't. I sat there, blaming myself and did nothing.
I thought about God alot, how I felt bad regarding it. But I also thought about my friends who actually have to bear with me while I tell them "for my sake, don't!" Why do they? How would they feel about me being their , bearing with strangers while they drink while my close friends don't get to!
I talked to my best friend, and she gave me the "umm, I understand" smile but no feedback. But knowing that friend I shouldn't have expected any. What should I expect anyways, she doesn't have this restriction herself!?
I called another close friend and told him about it on my way home, and he said that I should have seen it coming, as" your lifestyle choices conflict with your personality, so you'll always be in internal struggle". That made me feel really bad to be honest. I expected a supportive "it's ok" or "you do what you can" or some other word of encouragement, which is usual from that friend and I get the " doomed to internal struggle" because I have conflicting feelings between being open-minded and understanding/accepting while being religious! And actually, which should I change, the choices or the personality.
I thought of calling my most religious friend, I needed something (don't know what it is, but I wasn't getting it). But she wouldn't understand. She would blame my choices too. She would say she never faces this kind of problem because she only hangs out with people who are similar to her.
I couldn't sleep all night thinking about it.
-Being religious
-Being accepting/understanding of others
-Choice of friends who are different than what I am
Which of these are my choices and which are my personality? Should I change any or leave them all as is while suffering my doom to internal struggle?
Anyway, since I can't think of anyone I know to give me the kind of support I need, I'll talk to you void of the internet, maybe someone out there understands and has something smart and intelligent to say about it!
Salam
Yasmine
Comments
Whether or not your acquaintances have in the past honoured your personal requests is entirely dependant on their attitude and I commend them for it.
However you should never forget that this is a personal belief, and if anything you should be privileged to have acquaintances who uphold this request despite not being required to.
With regards to choices, the only choice you made was "not to drink", which presumably in Islam is the right choice.
Your "most religious" friend is no more "religious" that you are, and they are nor ever will be a better person for upholding themselves to a higher standard because they do not mix with people.
The best thing you can do is exemplify your tolerance, obedience and willingness to get along.
We have been both faced by the same problem in our last vacation and we simultaneously let it pass; it is a big dilemma and I feel for you, but sadly I don't have the right answer.
I can see how it may seem contradictory when you have certain beliefs but try to keep an open mind at the same time. I will have to be honest with you; I have never been in your situation since I avoid such people groups. They make me feel awkward and uncomfortable.
Putting myself in your shoes, I might have stayed a bit then politely excused myself. I don't believe that you should've said something because you don't have the right to tell people (esp friends of friends whom you don't know) what or what not to do. I honestly think you shouldn't blame yourself. View this as one of life's lessons. Next time, you'd remember this particular situation and wouldn't freeze up :)
The fact that this topic caused so much discussion makes me realize more and more that my choices are not that wrong after all. Some people relate to what I say, and some actually care to state it.
I thank you all for your support!