Music always has a magical effect on me; changing my mood instantly, particularly live music. Watching the musicians play and seeing their facial expressions as the musical notes come out of their instruments just puts me in a trance. A spell is put on me as I watch fingers pulling and pinching strings , or caressing the surface of the tabla or simply softly touching the keys of the piano. I feel the love between the musician and their instruments, I mean , see how they hold them, like their only child, like a precious jewel. And this love does things to me. Especially listening to the Oud, I love the Oud, but you know that already.
At last night's concert, as I heard the music coming out Marcel Khaleefa's Oud with this peaceful and serene look on his face, and all sorts of memories came back. I remembered our first concert together; how you held my hand as we heard Naseer's Oud, and how he winked at us when he saw us smiling. I remembered how so in love we used to be then and how special I felt. I remembered the way I daydreamed about you when you weren't around and how much my heart would race when you were.
And guess what, I saw your brother yesterday, which obviously invigorated my memories. I can't understand why, until this day, do I still feel out of breath when I saw him, and what I would feel like and do if I saw you instead. I also find it unexplainably ironic that I still hate the guy's guts simply for being associated with you, although I have actually forgiven you for all the shit that you put me through ; which is so unfair , really, given that the guy warned us over and over again but we decided never to hear his warnings.
I also saw people who reminded me of the first times we ever met, first year exams at university , the ruler story. God only knows why I still remember that story, or these faces in the first place. I remember it all, hearing Marcel's Oud but then I remembered how fate had turned our lives around and how pleasure turned into pain.
The positive thing is.. even though I do remembered , I still believe in love; because he was there, at least in my head he was. The music played on and on, and the lyrics were meaningful and strong. And you know what, it was his hand holding mine, not yours anymore and on his lap my head rested, not yours anymore, and it was his fingers through my hair, not yours anymore. He was all I could think about for most of the concert. Him not you!
Then music went on some more but it was time to wrap up the concert. And I had to face the reality; he is just in my head Because truth is; he is just as impossible to be with as are you. And that realization hurts like a spear through my heart, but I had to hide it for that night. I had to save face for there was no reason to show drama to my friends. I had to force myself to be pleasant , when all I wanted was to be left alone. I had to keep myself from breaking down, be responsible, because I had to drive home, alone. I had to put on my smile and pretend I had the time of my life because I can't respond to my parents' questions as to what went wrong. I really wanted to cry, but couldn't afford to; I ran out of tears a long long time ago.
But you know what; this has nothing to do with you actually, it's just the effect of music. See, music does things to you.
At last night's concert, as I heard the music coming out Marcel Khaleefa's Oud with this peaceful and serene look on his face, and all sorts of memories came back. I remembered our first concert together; how you held my hand as we heard Naseer's Oud, and how he winked at us when he saw us smiling. I remembered how so in love we used to be then and how special I felt. I remembered the way I daydreamed about you when you weren't around and how much my heart would race when you were.
And guess what, I saw your brother yesterday, which obviously invigorated my memories. I can't understand why, until this day, do I still feel out of breath when I saw him, and what I would feel like and do if I saw you instead. I also find it unexplainably ironic that I still hate the guy's guts simply for being associated with you, although I have actually forgiven you for all the shit that you put me through ; which is so unfair , really, given that the guy warned us over and over again but we decided never to hear his warnings.
I also saw people who reminded me of the first times we ever met, first year exams at university , the ruler story. God only knows why I still remember that story, or these faces in the first place. I remember it all, hearing Marcel's Oud but then I remembered how fate had turned our lives around and how pleasure turned into pain.
The positive thing is.. even though I do remembered , I still believe in love; because he was there, at least in my head he was. The music played on and on, and the lyrics were meaningful and strong. And you know what, it was his hand holding mine, not yours anymore and on his lap my head rested, not yours anymore, and it was his fingers through my hair, not yours anymore. He was all I could think about for most of the concert. Him not you!
Then music went on some more but it was time to wrap up the concert. And I had to face the reality; he is just in my head Because truth is; he is just as impossible to be with as are you. And that realization hurts like a spear through my heart, but I had to hide it for that night. I had to save face for there was no reason to show drama to my friends. I had to force myself to be pleasant , when all I wanted was to be left alone. I had to keep myself from breaking down, be responsible, because I had to drive home, alone. I had to put on my smile and pretend I had the time of my life because I can't respond to my parents' questions as to what went wrong. I really wanted to cry, but couldn't afford to; I ran out of tears a long long time ago.
But you know what; this has nothing to do with you actually, it's just the effect of music. See, music does things to you.
Comments