I apologize for this exhausting-to-read post. Feel free to ignore it, it's just another brain dump, to free some brain cells for some positive thinking!
Older, not wiser, just older. I feel thirty something, I'm not even twenty seven yet, well, will be in a couple of days anyway. بس مش دى المشكلة دلوقتى .Ya Yasmine, you gained experience, you're smarted, stronger and more settled in what you want in life. Ah bas, I'm tired, exhausted and still as lost and clueless. و بعدين احنا مش فهمين , فين المشكلة بالضبط؟ You passed through many different types of shit, and you came out strong, why break down now? هو حد جيه جنبك؟ Begad, I'm tired, stronger على عينى و راسى.
بس كل مرة a small un-recoverable part of my is broken; Yes, I do move on, but I leave a layer of me behind. I don't know how many layers I lost.. I don't know how many remain, bas I feel like I lost more than I should, and that all is left is a ghost of what used to be Yasmine بتاعة زمان
يوه بائة.. Ghost ايه و نيلة اية?
لا و الله بجد.. I feel this weird emptiness. I try to fill my time to give some meaning to my existence. Ya3ni people come and ask me "what do you do?", and I say I work as a BA and UE, I write sometimes, I read alot, I like music, movies, art and culture, I play sports, meet friends and study Quraan, religion among other things. Bas all that, still , doesn't define what I do or who I am.
ياااااا بتجيبى وقت لكل ده منين اصلا !!
طب تصدقوا و تأمنوا بالله
لا اله الا الله يا سدتى
I have so much time on my hands that it suffocates me. You know The Scream by Edvard Munch; that was me, in the picture, screaming my lungs out. Not that anyone else can hear me tab3an.
طب فايه ؟
I dont really know.. I can think of the following words; big, strong, violent and fast. Big plans? Violent change? Fast life? A big strong punching bag which I can beat violently , and I want it fast? A strong drink or drug, that makes me happy fast? A big , strong dude who sweeps me off my feet fast and makes me fall in love violently? Like that exists! (PS, that was just used such that these combinations of words are not used in other sentences making your mind wonder) Fast car ride in the big dessert! Strong wind in my hair! Violet waves crushing on the shore! مش علارفة بقى!.. I cant think of the full sentence , just like when you're stuck in a loop trying to remember the lyrics to your favorite song. Or trying to remember the day your heart got broken when all you could remember was your first date!
ليه بس كده يا بنتى بس؟
Why violence? Why strength, speed? And why the hell big? Why not a simple quite life زي باقى وبنات الناس?
ولا انت هاتفضلى دايما كدة تعبانا معاكى?
ما هو بجد بقى موضوع باقى بنات الناس هو الى جايبنى وره
Right now, i'm leading a simple and quite life.. and i'm boring myself to death. The only thing that needs to be quite a bit is my tongue; I talk too much, much more than any average person would. I'm always in trouble because of it. Bas still, this isn't it.
طب انت عايزة ايه بس, ربنا يهديك؟
I wish my brain would be quite.. not talking what's on your mind is relatively easy (for most normal people), but the hard part, is not having something on your mind aslan, so you resiste saying it. Imagine that.. Yasmine has nothing to say.. that will be the day walahi!
لا والله بجد صدقونى
Consider something happening, big, strong, violent and fast enough, that will leave me quite... not only quite from the outside, but really quite, from inside...
In a batta baladi state of mind!
P.S
بطة بلدى دى حالة تم تعريفها فى احدى جلسات الكلام فالسقف بتاع الساعة خمسة و هى بتحصل لما الواحد يقعد يجهز كلام كتييييييييير اوى يقولوا فى موقف معين و يجى الموقف و يلاقى ان معندوش اى حاجة يقولها
Older, not wiser, just older. I feel thirty something, I'm not even twenty seven yet, well, will be in a couple of days anyway. بس مش دى المشكلة دلوقتى .Ya Yasmine, you gained experience, you're smarted, stronger and more settled in what you want in life. Ah bas, I'm tired, exhausted and still as lost and clueless. و بعدين احنا مش فهمين , فين المشكلة بالضبط؟ You passed through many different types of shit, and you came out strong, why break down now? هو حد جيه جنبك؟ Begad, I'm tired, stronger على عينى و راسى.
بس كل مرة a small un-recoverable part of my is broken; Yes, I do move on, but I leave a layer of me behind. I don't know how many layers I lost.. I don't know how many remain, bas I feel like I lost more than I should, and that all is left is a ghost of what used to be Yasmine بتاعة زمان
يوه بائة.. Ghost ايه و نيلة اية?
لا و الله بجد.. I feel this weird emptiness. I try to fill my time to give some meaning to my existence. Ya3ni people come and ask me "what do you do?", and I say I work as a BA and UE, I write sometimes, I read alot, I like music, movies, art and culture, I play sports, meet friends and study Quraan, religion among other things. Bas all that, still , doesn't define what I do or who I am.
ياااااا بتجيبى وقت لكل ده منين اصلا !!
طب تصدقوا و تأمنوا بالله
لا اله الا الله يا سدتى
I have so much time on my hands that it suffocates me. You know The Scream by Edvard Munch; that was me, in the picture, screaming my lungs out. Not that anyone else can hear me tab3an.
طب فايه ؟
I dont really know.. I can think of the following words; big, strong, violent and fast. Big plans? Violent change? Fast life? A big strong punching bag which I can beat violently , and I want it fast? A strong drink or drug, that makes me happy fast? A big , strong dude who sweeps me off my feet fast and makes me fall in love violently? Like that exists! (PS, that was just used such that these combinations of words are not used in other sentences making your mind wonder) Fast car ride in the big dessert! Strong wind in my hair! Violet waves crushing on the shore! مش علارفة بقى!.. I cant think of the full sentence , just like when you're stuck in a loop trying to remember the lyrics to your favorite song. Or trying to remember the day your heart got broken when all you could remember was your first date!
ليه بس كده يا بنتى بس؟
Why violence? Why strength, speed? And why the hell big? Why not a simple quite life زي باقى وبنات الناس?
ولا انت هاتفضلى دايما كدة تعبانا معاكى?
ما هو بجد بقى موضوع باقى بنات الناس هو الى جايبنى وره
Right now, i'm leading a simple and quite life.. and i'm boring myself to death. The only thing that needs to be quite a bit is my tongue; I talk too much, much more than any average person would. I'm always in trouble because of it. Bas still, this isn't it.
طب انت عايزة ايه بس, ربنا يهديك؟
I wish my brain would be quite.. not talking what's on your mind is relatively easy (for most normal people), but the hard part, is not having something on your mind aslan, so you resiste saying it. Imagine that.. Yasmine has nothing to say.. that will be the day walahi!
لا والله بجد صدقونى
Consider something happening, big, strong, violent and fast enough, that will leave me quite... not only quite from the outside, but really quite, from inside...
In a batta baladi state of mind!
P.S
بطة بلدى دى حالة تم تعريفها فى احدى جلسات الكلام فالسقف بتاع الساعة خمسة و هى بتحصل لما الواحد يقعد يجهز كلام كتييييييييير اوى يقولوا فى موقف معين و يجى الموقف و يلاقى ان معندوش اى حاجة يقولها
Comments
funny, eh?
you know what? thats the whole point: if its going to be a silent scream, then why the hell bother... Just make believe.. it will come..
I'm definitely a bata baladi too :)