I have always been facing memory problems; I simply forget the basics , sometimes I do remember irrelevant details though. Typical things which I hardly ever remember are:
- what someone's name was! I identify people by three things; face, name, and where I knew them from. At any given point in time.. I can remember only 2!
- when in a relationship; the anniversary!And after the relationship is over; the breakup dates! I can assure you that it was a Wednesday for example, because I had plans for the following Thursday and had to cancel them. Or, I can remember being , sometime close to Mother's day, but I can't really remember the dates
-before the Lasik, I could never remember where I put my glasses. (And the ironic part was, if I couldnt remember where I put them, it was very probable that I wont find them except if someone helped me out.
Yes, I couldn't see without them, hence can't find them.)
-A very notorious thing of mine is: I can't remember which floor people live in, especially in buildings with elevators. I can't remember which floor my dad's clinic is, which one my aunts live at, ...etc. I remember building numbers though!
Anyway, back to the main problem, recently, I've been facing a different sort of problem regarding memory; I'm not sure if this is , by any means, related to the seasonal blues or if it's just a game my twisted mind is playing on me. I started facing this problem when trying to recall the Quaraan I had previously memorized. Things that we have memorized as kids, and should know them by heart. I would slow down and try to remember, was it this particular word, or the other? Is it actually pronounced like that, or am I wrong? Yes, I know you would say that Quraan is difficult and that this is normal to happen. I , too, thought so and didn't give it much attention till the rest started to happen.
Later, the same would happen to poems I memorized (both English and Arabic), or lyrics to my favorite songs, or even movie quotes that I would normally know by heart. If I say/sing it unconsciously , it's fine. However, If I try to conciously recall the words, it never works. So far harmless, just slightly annoying.
Next, was the events/real life thing. I'd remember something, and then wonder, did that really happen? or was it a dream? or is it just vivid fragments of my imagination. Like the other day at a business meeting, we had a Qatari guest, who said a very sexist remark which offended me dearly. However, the next morning, I kept wondering, if I heard it correctly, or maybe I over-reacted for something I misinterpreted. I asked a friend of mine, who confirmed it. More on the harmful side, but luckily, when it comes to events, there are usually other people around to confirm/deny what I think I heard/saw.
The worst part is, when it comes to feelings/friendships/and people in general. I keep wondering , if the way I feel towards people is built on valid memories or misleading dreams, if a particular situation which affected my opinion of someone actually happened or again my imagination.
It's terrible, and really hard . I mean we all take our thoughts for granted. Imagine you have to question the validity of everything single idea/thought in your head! You question your knowledge, your friendships, and you even question the basis on which you took every decision in your life.
Bas being a good girl, I decided that if I take this road , I am bound to end up in an asylum somewhere. So I made a couple of decision:
1-Anything that has happened before 2008, is done with. I will not question it. Khalas.. what is done is done. And even if I'm wrong about something, ma3lesh7asal kheir. I lived this way all my life, no need to change it now.
2- From now on, I will come up with some process to authenticate, validate and verify any piece of information/idea/thought/...etc before I allow it my brain. I still have no idea what this process will be like, but it's something I have to do, real fast!
At this point, I end this blog.
Wishing you all mental stability!
- what someone's name was! I identify people by three things; face, name, and where I knew them from. At any given point in time.. I can remember only 2!
- when in a relationship; the anniversary!And after the relationship is over; the breakup dates! I can assure you that it was a Wednesday for example, because I had plans for the following Thursday and had to cancel them. Or, I can remember being , sometime close to Mother's day, but I can't really remember the dates
-before the Lasik, I could never remember where I put my glasses. (And the ironic part was, if I couldnt remember where I put them, it was very probable that I wont find them except if someone helped me out.
Yes, I couldn't see without them, hence can't find them.)
-A very notorious thing of mine is: I can't remember which floor people live in, especially in buildings with elevators. I can't remember which floor my dad's clinic is, which one my aunts live at, ...etc. I remember building numbers though!
Anyway, back to the main problem, recently, I've been facing a different sort of problem regarding memory; I'm not sure if this is , by any means, related to the seasonal blues or if it's just a game my twisted mind is playing on me. I started facing this problem when trying to recall the Quaraan I had previously memorized. Things that we have memorized as kids, and should know them by heart. I would slow down and try to remember, was it this particular word, or the other? Is it actually pronounced like that, or am I wrong? Yes, I know you would say that Quraan is difficult and that this is normal to happen. I , too, thought so and didn't give it much attention till the rest started to happen.
Later, the same would happen to poems I memorized (both English and Arabic), or lyrics to my favorite songs, or even movie quotes that I would normally know by heart. If I say/sing it unconsciously , it's fine. However, If I try to conciously recall the words, it never works. So far harmless, just slightly annoying.
Next, was the events/real life thing. I'd remember something, and then wonder, did that really happen? or was it a dream? or is it just vivid fragments of my imagination. Like the other day at a business meeting, we had a Qatari guest, who said a very sexist remark which offended me dearly. However, the next morning, I kept wondering, if I heard it correctly, or maybe I over-reacted for something I misinterpreted. I asked a friend of mine, who confirmed it. More on the harmful side, but luckily, when it comes to events, there are usually other people around to confirm/deny what I think I heard/saw.
The worst part is, when it comes to feelings/friendships/and people in general. I keep wondering , if the way I feel towards people is built on valid memories or misleading dreams, if a particular situation which affected my opinion of someone actually happened or again my imagination.
It's terrible, and really hard . I mean we all take our thoughts for granted. Imagine you have to question the validity of everything single idea/thought in your head! You question your knowledge, your friendships, and you even question the basis on which you took every decision in your life.
Bas being a good girl, I decided that if I take this road , I am bound to end up in an asylum somewhere. So I made a couple of decision:
1-Anything that has happened before 2008, is done with. I will not question it. Khalas.. what is done is done. And even if I'm wrong about something, ma3lesh7asal kheir. I lived this way all my life, no need to change it now.
2- From now on, I will come up with some process to authenticate, validate and verify any piece of information/idea/thought/...etc before I allow it my brain. I still have no idea what this process will be like, but it's something I have to do, real fast!
At this point, I end this blog.
Wishing you all mental stability!
Comments
You saw me withouth my glasses for a while ya 3am.
I did the Lasik thing November 2006!
Highly recommended.. begad!