Their eyes met. And with no introduction, she felt her spirits lifted, as his eyes whispered some hidden secret to hers. They exchanged a casual conversation and she excused herself and left. They met again a couple of days later, he left the room as swiftly as he entered. She wished she could talk to him, get to know him better, but it was not the time nor place.
Sounds like a couple of lines from a trashy romantic novel? Well not really, they're a couple of moments from my own life. Not that they mean anything. I mean, we meet interesting people that we hope to get to know better all the time, no? And its not like I beleive in love (or like) at first sight , in the first place . And its not that I saw him again, anyway.
Fa eih ba2a? Nothing really. There is a bit of guilt and a bit of happiness.
Well guilt because of how I feel towards dude (dude being the one I love who is in love with someone else). I mean, how can one be interested in guy while they are in love with dude (guy has not yet been promoted to dude since we hardly even spoke). And then really, what would dude say?
(uhm uhm, that's the time to admit that in my head I do actually have long conversations with dude. Oh and in my head, dude has some feelings for me too)..
This one goes as follows:
Dude: I can't believe you
Me: I'm sorry, but I can't help it. It's not like I'm dating, I just think some guy is interesting.
Dude: I knew this was going to happen. We agreed you'll forget about me by the end of this month, you could have waited till then.
Me: But I'm not over you.
Dude: You just said you're in love with someone else
Me: I'm not in love with anyone. I find some guy attractive that's all. You tell me about attractive women all the time and I never complain
Dude: That's exactly it, it's not something that happens everyday, that means he is special.
Me: Come one, why am I even arguing with you. You're in *love* with someone else, and I'm attracted to a ghost. Is it about your pride?
Dude: Yes its about my pride (in my head, dude is honest about it). You could have waited!
Me: I'm rebounding for God's sake. Let it go
You can imagine the rest of the conversation. And I hope you can understand the guilt
The happiness or I'd rather say amazement part is how simple and naive the human brain is. I thought I was over all this *attraction* business. I mean, I'm 28 already with 4 exs down memory lane and an imaginary boyfriend. Yet I manage to think of date ideas that make ones heart tick faster just because I saw an interesting guy which I know nothing about except what google may say (which is basically nothing in this case) and the rest is filled by imagination. Guy might find me boring, shallow or unattractive. Guy may end up being an airhead , a drug addict, an alcoholic , a womanizer...heck, for all we know may be an atheist*, married or gay. Knowing my luck, he can be the three of them.
(*For the atheist remark, honestly, each to their own, but IMHO, in a potential relationship, both partners must be religiously compatible. For the gay remark, bardo each to their own, bas I think its obvious why I think I want someone straight)
Yet , poor , naive, silly me still manages to imagine corny stuff. How many times do I need to break my own heart to get past it! After not being able to be with dude for so long, I thought I was past all the fluff and into the hardcore part. I thought I didnt care about the long walks, the sunsets, the dinners and the nightly phone calls till the break of dawn. I honestly thought so. But it shocked me that a part of me is still looking for this stuff. Well, a nice kind of shock, I proved I am human, not made of stone. (though on second thoughts, I would have rather been made of stone than break my heart one more time. That's a different story for a different day). It's nice to have oneself spoilt by someone, even if this spoiling in just in one's head, no?
Anyway, conclusions,
1) plan to get over dude and move on by the end of November, still valid. 6 days to go!
2) guy is a big question mark. If we only crossed paths so that I realize that I may be able to love again, then it's fair and a good start
3) Obviously, I'm getting back to being my old self again. Sharing too much personal information on my blog. Not sure I like this par but I sure like me, and am glad to be back
Sounds like a couple of lines from a trashy romantic novel? Well not really, they're a couple of moments from my own life. Not that they mean anything. I mean, we meet interesting people that we hope to get to know better all the time, no? And its not like I beleive in love (or like) at first sight , in the first place . And its not that I saw him again, anyway.
Fa eih ba2a? Nothing really. There is a bit of guilt and a bit of happiness.
Well guilt because of how I feel towards dude (dude being the one I love who is in love with someone else). I mean, how can one be interested in guy while they are in love with dude (guy has not yet been promoted to dude since we hardly even spoke). And then really, what would dude say?
(uhm uhm, that's the time to admit that in my head I do actually have long conversations with dude. Oh and in my head, dude has some feelings for me too)..
This one goes as follows:
Dude: I can't believe you
Me: I'm sorry, but I can't help it. It's not like I'm dating, I just think some guy is interesting.
Dude: I knew this was going to happen. We agreed you'll forget about me by the end of this month, you could have waited till then.
Me: But I'm not over you.
Dude: You just said you're in love with someone else
Me: I'm not in love with anyone. I find some guy attractive that's all. You tell me about attractive women all the time and I never complain
Dude: That's exactly it, it's not something that happens everyday, that means he is special.
Me: Come one, why am I even arguing with you. You're in *love* with someone else, and I'm attracted to a ghost. Is it about your pride?
Dude: Yes its about my pride (in my head, dude is honest about it). You could have waited!
Me: I'm rebounding for God's sake. Let it go
You can imagine the rest of the conversation. And I hope you can understand the guilt
The happiness or I'd rather say amazement part is how simple and naive the human brain is. I thought I was over all this *attraction* business. I mean, I'm 28 already with 4 exs down memory lane and an imaginary boyfriend. Yet I manage to think of date ideas that make ones heart tick faster just because I saw an interesting guy which I know nothing about except what google may say (which is basically nothing in this case) and the rest is filled by imagination. Guy might find me boring, shallow or unattractive. Guy may end up being an airhead , a drug addict, an alcoholic , a womanizer...heck, for all we know may be an atheist*, married or gay. Knowing my luck, he can be the three of them.
(*For the atheist remark, honestly, each to their own, but IMHO, in a potential relationship, both partners must be religiously compatible. For the gay remark, bardo each to their own, bas I think its obvious why I think I want someone straight)
Yet , poor , naive, silly me still manages to imagine corny stuff. How many times do I need to break my own heart to get past it! After not being able to be with dude for so long, I thought I was past all the fluff and into the hardcore part. I thought I didnt care about the long walks, the sunsets, the dinners and the nightly phone calls till the break of dawn. I honestly thought so. But it shocked me that a part of me is still looking for this stuff. Well, a nice kind of shock, I proved I am human, not made of stone. (though on second thoughts, I would have rather been made of stone than break my heart one more time. That's a different story for a different day). It's nice to have oneself spoilt by someone, even if this spoiling in just in one's head, no?
Anyway, conclusions,
1) plan to get over dude and move on by the end of November, still valid. 6 days to go!
2) guy is a big question mark. If we only crossed paths so that I realize that I may be able to love again, then it's fair and a good start
3) Obviously, I'm getting back to being my old self again. Sharing too much personal information on my blog. Not sure I like this par but I sure like me, and am glad to be back
Comments
Thanks guys :D
You keep cheering me up