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Fighting temptation

I've been feeling kind of strange these last few days.. many events have happened that have caused me to stumble accross a revlation. I wont disclose it , now at least ; till I figure out what to do about it.

Since then, I've been feeling like a want to call life and take a sabatical leave just so I can make up my mind about everything. The thing is... I don't want time to stop and wait for me... It's like I want life to move on and whatever changes that happen in the surrounding circumstances, I'll just cope with them and move on.

I've been fighting the temptation to stop being the good sensetive girl who cares about what other think or feel and start becomoing the ego-centric, air-headed, slefish b****. But as I told Nag before.. we're not even blonde!

I've been wanting to do certain actions for the last week but I fear by doing that I may disturb the peace in another persons life. I wont do it, I hope.. cause even if I feel better at the moment, I'll feel horrible later.

I've realized something about myself, I only allow myself to mourn/weep/ or feel sorry after everyone else has moved on; cause then, and only then, my weakness wont cause any change of events. Like for instance, I felt sad I lost my grandpa long after everyone stopped wearing black. I only miss people, when I know, that missing them wont bring them back.... silly I guess. But it just happens to be me!

Somehow sadness and vunerability always put me in a very romantic mood... to the extent of bring irrational sometimes. I find myself playing songs in my head that are at the bottom level of "corny" that one can include them in the "pathetic". I try not to listen to them cause they'll end up playing longer in my head but it's like there's a leak of corny songs in my memory that I cant stop thinking about.
  • Brian Mcknight-- Back at one
  • The Cardigans-- Lovefool
  • Barbra Strisand and Brain Adams --Finally Found Someone
  • Dido -- Here with me
  • Dido -- White flag
  • Bon Jovi -- Lie to me
  • Baby Face -- Seven seas
  • Gary Barlow -- So help me girl
  • Lena Fiagbe --Can't Smile Without You
  • Lisa Loeb -- Stay (I Missed You)
  • Paul Weller --You Do Something To Me
  • Toni Braxton -- Unbreak my heart
  • Ace of Base -- Dont turn around
  • XYZ -- When I find love

How corny can one get, huh?!

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