A piece of my mind

A good friend gave me a good reason (for the first time ever) why I shouldn't be so public about my feelings (mostly people in the past gave the lousiest reasons, really!). Now the trick is that I'm a very public person, and I really like sharing and getting feedback and so forth, so I'll substitute my "personal" and "emotional" blogging from fashion rants , foodie talk and possibly travel. Mostly light and fluffy lifestyle stuff. So, I'm giving it a trial. Starting now, till the end of August, I'm pausing private stuff. After August ends, I'll  see how I feel and proceed accordingly. Yalla, Salam ya helween  

I have felt this weight on my chest before. This incredible suffocation and heartache, I know it, although not common, it's rather familiar. It's the bottom line, the end, it's the sign. It is the darkness, right before dawn. Because as familiar as this painful feeling is, as optimistic as it makes me. Khalas, the only way from here is up. I only need a moment before I jump. I'm coming...

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight. Write, for instance: "The night is full of stars, and the stars, blue, shiver in the distance." The night wind whirls in the sky and sings. I can write the saddest poem of all tonight. I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too. On nights like this, I held her in my arms. I kissed her so many times under the infinite sky. She loved me, sometimes I loved her. How could I not have loved her large, still eyes? I can write the saddest poem of all tonight. To think I don't have her. To feel that I've lost her. To hear the immense night, more immense without her. And the poem falls to the soul as dew to grass. What does it matter that my love couldn't keep her. The night is full of stars and she is not with me. That's all. Far away, someone sings. Far away. My soul is lost without her. As if to bring her near, my eyes search for her. My heart searches for her and she is not with me. The same night that whitens the same t...

There's a saying, "good things come to those who wait" Honestly, nothing pisses me off more than this saying. Wait?! Wait and do what?!   2a23od keda 7atta 2eedi 3ala khadi w waiting! That is so passive! The days where I have to wait for a phone call or email kill me. Imagine waiting for unknown "good things". Won't ever happen, patience is obviously not my strongest virtue. That said, I'm forced into a waiting phase due to the slow speed of life in Ramadan. But it ends there, after Ramadan, I'm taking things back into my own hand. 2al wait 2al.... Maye7komshi!

قلبي بيتقطع كل يوم لما بفكر في الاسعار الهبل اللي بقت حولينا و بفكر الغلابة هيعملوا ايه. وانا كواحدة عندي هوس السيطرة(  كنترول فريك) الموضوع بيتعبني اكثر كمان لأني عرفة اني مهما عملت مش هعرف اغير حاجة. اسوء حاجتين في الدنيا ان الواحد يشوف ضناه جعان او مريض و مش لاقي حاجة يعملها له لأنه ببساطة ممعاهوش ثمن الأكل او العلاج. بيتقطع قلبي خاصة في رمضان وانا بجيب صنية كنافة بالشوكولاتة ب٢٠٠ جنيه  وانا عارفة ان ال ٢٠٠ جنيه دول هيأكلوا اسرة لمدة شهر.. بعمل اللي عليا في الزكاة وبحاول في الصدقات و باسعى في الخير، بس الموضوع اكبر مني ومن الكنافة.  بيتقطع قلبي اكثر كل يوم من اللي بيحصل في غزة، وفي كذا حتة تانية طبعا، بس جايز انا في دائرة معارفي اكثر تركيز هو مجزرة غزة اليومين دول. انا مش من الناس اللي وخدة قضية فلسطين على قلبها اوي عامة، بس مش ممكن القتل يكون بالطريقة دي لاطفال و ستات كبيرة و شباب زي الورد ويكون عادي كده. جايز انا فعلا قلبي رق عاى الاطفال بعد ما بقى في بوبو في حياتي، او جايز فعلا الميديا بتلعب على الحتة دي عشان تستفزنا نتحرك، في الحالتين، لما اشوف صورة طفل مات حا...

انت أقوى من كده أكيد مش الموضوع ده اللي مزعلك مش حاسة انك مكبرة الموضوع شوية You're just pms-ing Yasmine, be strong! It's probably just stress. That's what you all say, isn't it? You have a certain definition of what strength is and since you define me as a strong woman, then I'm expected to fit in the mould you've created of what a strong woman should be. Well, I'm not sorry to disappoint you, but here is the truth. Strength is honesty; being honest to admit that yes, it may be nothing on your scale but it's a big deal on mine; it affects me, I'm not proud but I'm learning to move on. Strong is accepting vulnerability; I might be strong in my career life, determined, a fighter, a leader, whatever you want to call it, but at night, strong is going to bed when you need a hug and waking up without getting it. Strong is faking it; can you even imagine how many days I put a fake smile and my formal business attire to run the show when all I wanted wa...

 مش فاهمة ازاي رغم حبي للقصيدة دي وللأغنية عمري ما نشرتها هنا.. وكل شوية ادور عليها عشان اقرأها. القصيدة الكاملة " مرسال لحبيبتي" لأشرف توفيق “.حَبِيبْتِي ..شَرْطَه مَايْلَه ..فَرَاغْ وهَاكْتُبْ لِيهْ حُرُوفْ إِسْمِكْ؟ مَا هُو انْتِي فْ قَلْبِي سَاكْنَه الْقَلْب عَارْفَه بْقِصِّتِي وْحَالِي ومِينْ غِيرِكْ فِي قَلْبِي اكْتُبْ لُه مِرْسَالِي؟ ..و...... أَمَّا بَعْد مَانِيشْ عَارِفْ جَوَابِي دَا جَوَابِي الكَّامْ مَا عُدتِشْ بَاحْسِب الصّفْحَاتْ مَا عُدتِشْ بَاحْسِب الاّقْلاَمْ مَا عُدتِشْ بَاحْسِب اللّي ضَاعْ مِن الأَحْلاَمْ ..كِفَايَه انِّي بَاحِبِّكْ بس ..وقَلْبِكْ لَوْ بِقَلْبِي حسّ أَوْ شَافْ حَالُه فِي بْعَادِكْ !لَصَلَّى لْرَبُّه واسْتَغْفَرْ لِذَنْبُه...وْصَامْ قُولِي لِي ازّايْ أَحِبِّكْ حُبّ يِرْضِيكِي؟ أَنَا تَايِهْ... وِنِفْسِي اوْصَلْ أَرَاضِيكِي دَا لَوْ كَان الْهَوَا بِالسُّهْد ..انَا سِيدُهْ ولَوْ قُلْتِي انّ حُبِّكْ صُوم ..أَنَا عِيدُهْ ولَوْ حُبِّك فِدَاهْ قَلْبِي أَقَطَّعْ قَلْبِي مِيتْ مَرَّهْ ..وَاقَ...