A piece of my mind

Dearest readers, I just wanted to let you know I'm doing great. I mean, at the end,despite the bumpy ride and the multiple attempts to spoil it, February wasn't that bad after-all. I'll detail more on that tomorrow, but now I'll sleep. Good night!

I had a funny feeling when I passed beside 11 Nadi El-Seid (OC's old office). I felt some sort of pride mixed with a bit of nostalgia, but no, I didn't feel sad. I miss you OC, but I'll make you proud!

"snooze" كل يوم يبدأ المنبه يرن الساعة سابعة و نصف. ثم تبدأ قصة الصبح المعهودة .ابص للسقف شوية و بعدين أدووس مرة و اثنين و ثلاثة. احيانا اقعد على الحال ده ساعة او اكثر. كل مرة بيكون في حجة جديدة ؛ مرة اقول الجو بارد , خليني تحت الغطاء شوية , و مرة أقول أنا معنديش اجتماعات مهمة , ممكن اروح الشغل متأخر , و كتير فى الحقيقة أقوم من السرير , افتح الدولاب و ارجع ثانى السرير افكر ممكن البس ايه انهار ده المهم انني اضيع ما لا يقل عن ساعة و بعدها استجمع قواتي كلها و اقوم من السرير , و بعدين اخد الدش التمام و البس و اضرب "حبوب الشجاعة" و بعدين ابص لنفسي في المرايا و اقول "اجمد يا وحش !"و اتكل على الله و انزل المهم , يمر الوقت و انا عملة فيها وحش و سبعة في بعض ولا بتهز ولا حاجة في الدنيا تهمنى . انا شجيع السيما ابو شنب بريمة , اصرج و اقول عالي هوب و اصرخلي صرخة السبع يتكهرب و يبقي فرخة و يعدي الصبح و الظهر و اجي على العصرية كدة و يكون لازم جرعة تانية من حبوب الشجاعة و إلا انا التي هاتكهرب و ابقى فرخة اخد الجرعة التانية و ابص لنفسي في المراية و اقول "هانت ...

Ain't it just typical; the moment you take a decision, the whole world conspires to make sure you don't follow through! You start a diet, then you get invited for tea and brownies. You start working out , then travel for the week. You plan and plan and usually fail! But you know what Murphy , not this time! I'm determined to make it through.. A little song for you friends who still manage to keep reading my randomness...

So this quote is moving around facebook "Life in three words; it goes on" It's not like I didn't know that. I always did. In fact, I've always depended on that fact; knowing that eventually life goes on, as in not wait for me, as in, time will pass keda keda regardless of me doing or not doing anything with it. I think as much as that fact is comforting in itself, people like myself , control-freaks , find it hard to accept in some ways. Meaning, life will go on without my intervention, oh my God! What will it turn out like? What can I do about that? How can I make sure that it goes on in the direction I want? All these questions are basically answered negatively. That, as a control-freak, kills me! I faced my demons last night, how much I need to let go of the illusion of control that I give myself. I've been holding on to the past so hard, refusing to give life a chance to go on. I thought I couldn't let go. This whole letting go issue is really difficul...

Remember this ? It's happening again. Stop! Stop it, really! Why do you? There's no need to do that. Seriously, you don't have to. How much more do you think you need to hurt me? I've had enough of those promises and it's not like you have to. Really, just stop. And you know, claiming you didn't ever make promises isn't helping. You make these promises with your whole being. You made silent promises. So please enough! Please stop! Feels better now that I let it out. Put my smile back on and go!

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring out. Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Dearest Mostafa , I miss you so much. It's not like I didn't expect it, but really, I can't get my life back straight since you're gone. First it was work, which I sorted out. Then came the loneliness , so I got in touch with friends. Then it was the energy so I gave myself some time to recharge. then there was ... and there was and there was... For every problem isolated, there is a solution. But for the emptiness you left inside me, there is none. Nothing will bring you back! It was Valentine's day last Sunday and it brought me down big time. I tired to compare this Valentine's to last years. The only difference was that I had you! I was trying so hard to remember what was last Valentine's like. It's not like I went out to celebrate bring single, nor had a wonderful romantic date with prince charming. I remembered there was something, but I couldn't remember what it was. And then it came to me last night. Last Valentine's I was busy working. We...

email مافيش facebook ولا رسائل على و طبعا الموبيل بطل يرن من زمان كان في مرحلة في حياتي الموبيل كان مؤدب و بيسمع الكلام , كنت بس ابصيله يرن على طول بس ده كان زمان دلوقتي ولا الهوا ممكن اقعد ابص للصبح و لا هيعبرني مش بس كده , دلوقتي لما حتى بطلب الارقام , من كتر ما الناس كلها مشغولة , بقيت الرسالة المسجلة بتقولي "هذا الرقم , بجد, مش عايز يرد عليكي . مفيش حد عايز يعبرك , قومي شوفي حاجة مفيدة تعمليها"

I'd like to think I'm not a high-tempered neurotic person nor am I a calm and quiet one either. Pretty much a normal girl who tries hard to keep my emotional outbursts to the minimum in public. I don't know how long has this been happening, but it's a recent thing, probably a couple of months or so. It's like because so many feelings and emotions are kept inside, I sort of get those emotional bursts. If it were a movie, you'd see my hair big and messy, dark makeup melting off my eyes, shouting , insulting and cursing. Yelling at the top of my lungs like a crazy person. Then in a few seconds, I push some of it out and go back to calmness. In the movie version, I straighten my hair, wash my face, put on some lip gloss and smile my way back into whatever I was doing. It's odd. It doesn't happen often, but it does happen! Only for a few seconds like I said. And thank God, only inside my head. Sometimes , I really wish I can just tell it to the face of the pe...

Like I always say, I hate to be the person who shares the sad news but fails to update you when something pleasant happens. I got some amazing feedback on this post . Not only that, but I was faced with another situation worth sharing. A friend calls me to invite me to dinner at her house and actually asked , "Yasmine, we would be serving some wine, would you mind?". And I thought nobody asks any more, but she's a darling anyway; one of the most understanding and accepting people I met. I was put in the cross road again, say no and I'll sit there blaming myself, say yes and they'll be thinking I judge them or their lifestyle. And boy was I wrong. I thought about it a little then got back to her, apologizing for that evening while trying to explain that it was about my rules and restrictions versus their lifestyle which I understand and respect. She was not only accepting, but understanding . We discussed different restrictions people have and how they tolerate o...

نفسى انام في حضنك و احط رأسي على صدرك و تلف ايداك حولي و اسمع نغمة دقات قلبك و اغمض عيناي و ادوب في حبك و دفئك و بعدين اصحى و افتح عيناي و الاقيك لسه جنبي مش حيلة , ضحك بيها خيالي علي

Ok, so most of you don't know this about me, but it has been about 5-6 years when I made my decision not to hang out with people while consuming alcohol. I don't have any objections to people consuming alcohol on their own, nor would it change my impression/liking of them. Just not while I'm around, for religious reasons. Last night, in a social event with some friends and their friends, people started drinking. Not drunk, just drinking. The thing is, in the past, when people were around a muhajaba, they'd ask if anyone minded but apparently, not anymore. So anyway, two people ordered drinks. And I , for some odd reason, couldn't say anything. Maybe it was because it was a birthday and I didn't want to make a scene (which in this case , I should have just excused myself and left). I really don't know why, I just didn't. I sat there, blaming myself and did nothing. I thought about God alot, how I felt bad regarding it. But I also thought about my friends...