New beginings... Not quite

Yesterday was my first day at the new office. I can't say that things happened fast, actually, it was a slow and painful decay. We've been struggling for about a year , trying as hard as we can. But unlike movies where when you gather all your willpower and energy things work well, they didn't. (which is another thing that movies don't tell you; It's not always true that when you work hard, you'll reach your destination)

Anyway, for a month, I knew we were leaving. I didn't bother looking for alternatives, I just took the path that looked like the most logical (or that was already planned for me and required the least decision making) and things moved on from there.

I'm in the new office, with 7 of my team mates (the luckiest of all the old company I guess as I got the most team members in my project). We're all in one room, which cuts down on communication time and increases efficiency but one has to forget about one's private space.

I miss not having my "roommates" in the room.( Yes roommates because we live together, not just work together, more than just friends). I try not to think about it alot and it's a benifit that we are crammed with work. But I know that in a couple of weeks, it will hit me and I don't know how i'll react then (usually things hit me waaaay later). We used to enjoy our room at the office so much that we'd just hang out for hours after (and between) work instead of going out to restaurants and cafes.

The office used to be a lifestyle, not just where we worked. I've made all sorts of relations, love, hate, friendships kept and friendships lost (I'm not sure that lost friendships should be referred to as friendships but then again, do you throw away a good time?) . I've had the luxury of being involved in all sorts of conversations, expanding my horizon, my tolerance and my understanding of myself and others.

I know it's not right, but I didn't need any one else in my life. Mostafa was enough. He gave me reason to exist, and be happy and content. I've always known I'll have to change to be "sane", "healthy" and "social". I knew I locked myself in my comfort zone and ignored the scary world around me. I knew all that. I just was not ready to change it now (or maybe not ever). It had to be enforced by some supernatural force and it had been.

There are five stages of grief; denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I've been going through them all for a while and currently, I'm numb, which probably means i'm back to denial. I'm not sure if having some ties ( same team, project, familiar environment..etc) is better or a cold-turkey approach where one cuts all ties with his ex. But I think about you everyday ya Mostafa. I want to tell you one thing; no matter what happens, how things change, you will always be one of my happiest thoughts.