So Yousra ( class of 2008) graduated from school about a week ago, and in her graduation ceremony, I saw the same scenes I witnessed during Karim's graduation (class of 2001) from the same school and are the same scenes I personally went through when graduating from the same school (class of 1998).
When Karim was graduating, I was very sentimental, it was not that long ago since I graduated, and I was still living the dream of staying best friends with my school mates forever and ever. I couldn't find neither happiness nor friends (almost) in university and so I settled for those friends I made in school and living on the memory of the happiest days of my life (then). I saw them throw their caps in the air and I couldn't help but cry. I heard the valedictorian give his speech and remembered how the headmistress's stubbornness stopped me from giving mine although the entire school wanted me to speak. I actually remembered the actual speech I had prepared then, and felt so close to the graduating class.
But Yousra's graduation was different, partly because I became colder and less sensitive as a person, partly because I have seen it all before and partly because I know it doesn't stay the same; the false feeling that friendship lasts forever and that your best days are those at school. I've had those and watched them dissolve into thin air; and Karim had them too, and then they dissolved into thin air!
It was interesting to see that time does, in fact, repeat itself. The headmistress's speech does not change; same bullshit about how the school builds out character and created the foundation for our learning in the future and further blah blah which we knew then as much as we know now that is total rubbish. The class supervisor's speech also has not changed; it the same template which talks about how this class is different than any they had taught before, and how they will never forget the class, making sure to highlight the names of some students who gave them a hard time, yet they love them and some names of the few good kids who did it on their own without the need for external help and how that makes them feel so proud. Even the students themselves don't change; there's the school good-looking and oh-so-smart rebel guy who all the girls sought after but is just too cool to care, the teachers pets who actually make sure to bring flowers for their teachers and take pictures with them, the class clown who no matter how terrible his grades are all the school teachers and classmates cheer at the top of their lungs to cheer, the kind hearted sweetheart who you're sure that in school she always picked up the kids and drove them back home while making brownies every couple of days for the entire class, and the fashion-savvy popular girls who have the same fake smile and fake pause in all the pictures. There is even that ill-fated sick kid who have to be carried by their friends to attend the graduation cause the accident/surgery/heart-condition makes it so hard for them to climb the stairs.
I know, I know, I sound mean, evil, heartless and even bitchy! But you know what, been there, done that and for God's sake bought the damn t-shirt! I don't have faith in this whole forever friends thing anymore; nor that your best days are those in high-school , nor that there is nothing like your first love, and by all means, that school shapes my character and that success in school shapes my life.
Last day, Yousra's friends were having iftar at our place and they kept asking me; how I felt now since I saw them growing up from kindergarten and now to collage. I wasn't sure how to reply, I felt indifferent! I mean , yes I did see them grow up from kindergarten to young ladies; and yes the five of them had been friends for as long as i remember, but I could see the five of them back stab each other through the 10 years they had been friends, change groups, have crushes on the same guys, and the whole works. I lost feeling of sentiment a very long time ago , added to that , the fact that I'm not on such good terms with Yousra these couple of days.
After the question of how I felt, which I managed to reply smartly by just mentioning that it's all hard for me to grasp, whatever that meant. I was cornered into deeper questions regarding my advise on the matter, my experience with my own friends; if we cried during our graduation (which we didn't), if my after-grad was the best party ever (which I was not allowed to attend , because I didn't have an older sister like myself to tell my parents that it's fine and its part of the graduation ritual), if my school friends where the best I ever made or had (which was so not true since all of grew in separate directions and now I can hardly find a common topic of interest between more than two of us) , and if school was the best time ever (which was almost true at a time, but then I worked and traveled and lived and school was just another couple of years in history).
Should I have told them then no, people change , you and your best friend now , will in fact, in 3-4 years not find anything to talk about? Should I have said that, each of you will walk in a path, so different, that when you meet, if you meet , even the memory of those school days will sound like a joke? That the boyfriends that they are so in love with now will become a point of regret? That the whole "best days in my life" is a hanger for losers who never achieved anything else in life to just cry over their school popularity? Should I tell them in advance the exact details in which they will loose touch; first some will become more religious than others, some will travel for collage, some will get married early, then they will graduate from collage, some will finish faster than others and will feel older and wiser than others, then they will work, some in prestigious roles while others will become housewives , some will join political parties, some will have artistic interests, and then the point will come when some will think of the others as shallow and vain, while others will think the rest are making such a big deal of life, nightlife for some will be clubbing and partying, others will will spend the night feeding their families and some will be praying for God's forgiveness. And then one day, two of them will meet by accident, talk for a minute about the weather, the traffic and how life is becoming expensive, then ask about life's most annoying question which one will feel to sensitive and become defensive, then the other will change the subject and say "so who do you meet from school?" and the other will say a couple of names who she last met a year earlier and ask the other "what about yourself?" and a few other names will be tossed around. Then one will have to go and say bye, the other will say, we really have to meet, the first will say call me, the other will say definetly and that will be the most they get out of it.
I couldn't tel them, they were so happy and so young, and I felt old mean and bitter! I told them life was full of surprises and that they had to discover the rest on their own. I didn't lie... but I felt I mislead them. I didn't say the horrible truth, but still I felt bad!
When Karim was graduating, I was very sentimental, it was not that long ago since I graduated, and I was still living the dream of staying best friends with my school mates forever and ever. I couldn't find neither happiness nor friends (almost) in university and so I settled for those friends I made in school and living on the memory of the happiest days of my life (then). I saw them throw their caps in the air and I couldn't help but cry. I heard the valedictorian give his speech and remembered how the headmistress's stubbornness stopped me from giving mine although the entire school wanted me to speak. I actually remembered the actual speech I had prepared then, and felt so close to the graduating class.
But Yousra's graduation was different, partly because I became colder and less sensitive as a person, partly because I have seen it all before and partly because I know it doesn't stay the same; the false feeling that friendship lasts forever and that your best days are those at school. I've had those and watched them dissolve into thin air; and Karim had them too, and then they dissolved into thin air!
It was interesting to see that time does, in fact, repeat itself. The headmistress's speech does not change; same bullshit about how the school builds out character and created the foundation for our learning in the future and further blah blah which we knew then as much as we know now that is total rubbish. The class supervisor's speech also has not changed; it the same template which talks about how this class is different than any they had taught before, and how they will never forget the class, making sure to highlight the names of some students who gave them a hard time, yet they love them and some names of the few good kids who did it on their own without the need for external help and how that makes them feel so proud. Even the students themselves don't change; there's the school good-looking and oh-so-smart rebel guy who all the girls sought after but is just too cool to care, the teachers pets who actually make sure to bring flowers for their teachers and take pictures with them, the class clown who no matter how terrible his grades are all the school teachers and classmates cheer at the top of their lungs to cheer, the kind hearted sweetheart who you're sure that in school she always picked up the kids and drove them back home while making brownies every couple of days for the entire class, and the fashion-savvy popular girls who have the same fake smile and fake pause in all the pictures. There is even that ill-fated sick kid who have to be carried by their friends to attend the graduation cause the accident/surgery/heart-condition makes it so hard for them to climb the stairs.
I know, I know, I sound mean, evil, heartless and even bitchy! But you know what, been there, done that and for God's sake bought the damn t-shirt! I don't have faith in this whole forever friends thing anymore; nor that your best days are those in high-school , nor that there is nothing like your first love, and by all means, that school shapes my character and that success in school shapes my life.
Last day, Yousra's friends were having iftar at our place and they kept asking me; how I felt now since I saw them growing up from kindergarten and now to collage. I wasn't sure how to reply, I felt indifferent! I mean , yes I did see them grow up from kindergarten to young ladies; and yes the five of them had been friends for as long as i remember, but I could see the five of them back stab each other through the 10 years they had been friends, change groups, have crushes on the same guys, and the whole works. I lost feeling of sentiment a very long time ago , added to that , the fact that I'm not on such good terms with Yousra these couple of days.
After the question of how I felt, which I managed to reply smartly by just mentioning that it's all hard for me to grasp, whatever that meant. I was cornered into deeper questions regarding my advise on the matter, my experience with my own friends; if we cried during our graduation (which we didn't), if my after-grad was the best party ever (which I was not allowed to attend , because I didn't have an older sister like myself to tell my parents that it's fine and its part of the graduation ritual), if my school friends where the best I ever made or had (which was so not true since all of grew in separate directions and now I can hardly find a common topic of interest between more than two of us) , and if school was the best time ever (which was almost true at a time, but then I worked and traveled and lived and school was just another couple of years in history).
Should I have told them then no, people change , you and your best friend now , will in fact, in 3-4 years not find anything to talk about? Should I have said that, each of you will walk in a path, so different, that when you meet, if you meet , even the memory of those school days will sound like a joke? That the boyfriends that they are so in love with now will become a point of regret? That the whole "best days in my life" is a hanger for losers who never achieved anything else in life to just cry over their school popularity? Should I tell them in advance the exact details in which they will loose touch; first some will become more religious than others, some will travel for collage, some will get married early, then they will graduate from collage, some will finish faster than others and will feel older and wiser than others, then they will work, some in prestigious roles while others will become housewives , some will join political parties, some will have artistic interests, and then the point will come when some will think of the others as shallow and vain, while others will think the rest are making such a big deal of life, nightlife for some will be clubbing and partying, others will will spend the night feeding their families and some will be praying for God's forgiveness. And then one day, two of them will meet by accident, talk for a minute about the weather, the traffic and how life is becoming expensive, then ask about life's most annoying question which one will feel to sensitive and become defensive, then the other will change the subject and say "so who do you meet from school?" and the other will say a couple of names who she last met a year earlier and ask the other "what about yourself?" and a few other names will be tossed around. Then one will have to go and say bye, the other will say, we really have to meet, the first will say call me, the other will say definetly and that will be the most they get out of it.
I couldn't tel them, they were so happy and so young, and I felt old mean and bitter! I told them life was full of surprises and that they had to discover the rest on their own. I didn't lie... but I felt I mislead them. I didn't say the horrible truth, but still I felt bad!
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Thanks, I really appreciate it!