A piece of my mind

You said you were different. You kept saying you'll be my rock, always there for me when I need you. But on the first sign of emotions, you run and hide. Please remind me again how you think you're different! The way I see it, you're all interested in the hunt, just the hunt. Good thing I never let those walls down. I'm out

I came across this quote about a week ago, it touched me so deep, that I saved the image, and  kept re-reading it over and over again until I figured out why it resonated so much. Let's leave feminism on the side, that's not the point here. Let's just focus on strength. Strong women are just awesome! I'm not talking about successful career women, not presidents of nations.. I'm talking about female strength in general which comes in all forms, shapes and sizes. During my teens, I hated being girl. I felt it was unfair, I wanted the freedom, the lack of awkwardness, the open options and the respect. But I was strong enough to fight for what I wanted; and honestly, had the support of an incredible family who weren't intimidated by female strength. Back then of course, we called it guts not strength. In my twenties, I figured out that actually, it's not that bad being girl. People always expected less of me, so I had a chance to excel with very little...

Around this time last year, I wrote a few blog posts; - I was fascinated by the concept of the " femmes fatales ", little did I know that the twists and turns of time can turn me into one when I was not looking. I am not (or at least trying not to be) a manipulative bitch, but one has to admire the power women can have over men and how to exercise it. Evil? Don't think so. Powerful? You bet! - I also talked about a state of Limbo caused by a guy, or rather, the lack of a certain guy. Well, Limbo has doubled; lack of guy and presence of another guy, and And apparently, it's one of those things that time alone can't solve. Something has to happen. No idea what. But just sitting there waiting for time to pass didn't/doesn't work. And the kind of ideas that occur to me to do (and the actions based on the silly ideas) don't work either. - And on 2014 's resolutions; one has to say, not bad at all: 1- although we began the year with significant w...

I'm in that state when I don't know myself anymore. I used to be tense when in silent, but now I appreciate silence more than words most of the time. I used to understand how I feel about different things/people/plans/places but so far, I don't even have feelings towards most things. I am used to knowing, now the most common thing I say is "I don't know". And I'm used to being emotional, now I feel cold & distant, from everyone and anyone. I used to be kind, sensitive and selfless, now I look at myself and don't know who this selfish, abusive, exploiting, manipulative bitch is. And where did the nice one go? I'm very confused, I'm emotionally drained and I can't make up my mind. I'm stuck in a vacuum of thoughts and emotions looking at the ticking clock wondering when that state will end. It's new to me and I don't like it.

  المشكلة الحقيقية هي أن الرقيقة خدعتهم كلهم، هي الأقوى رغم انف من يجرأ ان يقول غير ذلك. رغم كل شئ تجرأ على التخيل والحلم والحب. رغم الجرح الذي لم يلتئم بعد. رغم محاربة الكل. في النهاية... الرقيقة دائما تنتصر

As a control freak, as a fighter, as someone who thinks I will always find I way if I try hard enough, it's incredible for me to say it, but I give up. I really give up; I tried everything I could and there's nothing more I can think of to get out of this. I spent the last 2 hours crying, yes, me crying; real tears, a first since 2007. And contrary to what I thought, no it doesn't feel better, I still feel equally like shit.  On one hand, my brain refuses to acknowledge the "it's really over" fact. I never felt this way about anyone before and no mental connection ever felt so right. So if it was that right, then he must also be feeling the same way, afterall it had been him who said "a story going too right". And if he feels the same, then it's not the end, it's just a shitty temporary phase that will end with a happy ending. On the other, he knows I'm here. He knows I adore him. And he's not doing anything about it. God ...

I miss you. It doesn't go away I hate you for getting that deep under my skin. God only knows the lengths I go through to get you out of me. The world isn't big enough for both of us, one of us has to die. I'm not suicidal. I'm not depressed. I'm just being pragmatic.