A piece of my mind

كمان ٣ أسابيع هبلغ من العمر ٣٣ سنة. كنت لحد قريب اوي مش بيفرق معايا موضوع السن ده خالص وبعدين فجأة أدركت أني كبرت. بقى عندي شعرتين بيض، ودي بالنسبة لناس كثيرة ولا حاجة، بس لي انا فارقة جدا، مش بس عشان انا هيفة وسطحية ودماغي فاضية وبهتم بالشكل زيادة عن اللزوم، لا في الحقيقة لعدة أسباب: - أمي ما بدأش  شعرها يشيب غير في منتصف الأربعينات، يعني بدأت بدري اوي عنها - ده دليل أني بحرق دمي على طول (حسب المقولة الشعبية) - كان نفسي اعمل حاجات كثير اوي قبل ما أشيب  وده بيجبنا للنقطة اللي بعد كده، مش فاكرة انا سمعت ولا قرأت الموضوع ده، ان سن ال٣٣ ده، يكتمل فيه جمال وعقل المرأة. فبالتالي احتجت أقف مع نفسي واقارن حالي مع الصورة اللي رسمتها لنفسي زمان. لقيت في الحقيقة، ان لو ياسمين اللي عمرها ١٥ او ١٨ او ٢١ او حتى ٢٥-٢٦ شفتني، هيجلها  اكتئاب. ازاي انا بعيدة اوي كدة عن ما كنت عايزة؟ ازاي الصورة اللي كنت رسماها لنفسي لا تمت بصلة لحياتي النهارده؟  حاجة تجيب احباط الحقيقة.  بس هنعمل ايه، المهم، سواء شئنا او أبينا، و هبقى ٣٣ ونطفئ الشمع ونقول السنة دي هنسوي الهوايل وتعدي سنة وراء سن...

limbo n pl -bos 1. (Christian Religious Writings / Theology) (often capital) Christianity the supposed abode of infants dying without baptism and the just who died before Christ 2. an imaginary place for lost, forgotten, or unwanted persons or things 3. an unknown intermediate place or condition between two extremes in limbo 4. a prison or confinement  as defined in thefreedictionary.com I look at myself today and think that I've been living in Limbo for almost two year. I hate how this ended up; limbo actually sucks the energy out of me. This state ends in 2014, I will not live like this forever, and "you" are either in or out.

I'm in awe of the concept of the femme fatale. I'm not sure if she only exists in film or real life, but the idea of that woman fascinates me. Imagine an incredibly smart, incredibly sexy and most of all incredibly confident woman who knows how to use her beauty and intelligence to get what she wants, including get people in deadly situations, isn't that amazing!

 نفسي ازعق وأصوت واصرخ بصوت عالي واقولك "...." بس لأ مش هقولها.. مش هقولها عشان بخاف. ايوة  بخاف منك ، بخاف من قلبتك عليا. بس المشكلة أني انا كمان خائفة ، خائفة اسمع نفسي بقولها لا اصدق، ومش قادرة اتخيل ممكن يحصل ايه لو صدقت نفسي في حاجة زي كدة. اهو..احنا قاعدين لحد ما حاجة تحصل او حد فينا يلم شنطته ويمشي، وغالبا هيكون انا، علشان ترتاح -- Feb 2013

I just made that term up. It's that point when you are " almost " at your weight loss target but know that you still have a long way of maintenance to go through, so you end up dreaming/ daydreaming/ fantasizing about food that you know you won't eat, but can't help thinking about it. Here are my thoughts: Cheesecake with strawberry topping - Chocolate mint cupcake - Actually, Chocolate mint ice cream from Coldstone's with chocolate chips and chocolate fudge  - Lasagna - fudge toffee, ideally Quality Street's pink one - Feteer meshaltet with mesh cheese  - Steak with peppercorn sauce and mashed potatoes - no, potato wedges - actually any potato will do - Pasta - chicken pesto pasta with sun-dried tomato - 7awashi - KFC - ro2a2 - Kabsa - Almond croissant - Ciabatta with olive oil - any bread ... bread... bread... bread... -- Feb 2013

Did we ever watch movies where a girl was chasing the guy and not the opposite? Did she ever reach her goal? How did she deal with the everyday frustration? When she was pms-ing and feeling down, how did she handle rejection? Other than drugs and alcohol, any suggestions? -- Definitely March 2013 

A while back, when I was young and foolish, I used to dedicate  special  ringtones for  special  people. Family ringtones were always fine.. family will always be family. The problem with that dedicated ringtone for that  special  someone; you get attached to it. When you miss them, you hear it in your mind and feel a compulsive obsession to sms something sexy, witty or funny, because when they get that, they will call , and you will hear your  special  ringtone. You'd be out having coffee with your friends and the ringtone would put a confident smile on your face, even though you won't pick up, you know that they miss you too. You'd be at work and that phone rings and you find your colleagues sheepishly smiling, cause it has become a habit that you take calls with that  special  ringtone out, instead of on your desk. You'd be driving, and some random dude in some random car is playing that  special...