A piece of my mind

" Can't you see? Every step I have taken, since I was that child on the bridge, has been to bring myself closer to you." -- Memoirs of a Geisha

Days go by... People come and go... Everything changes... Except that foolish heart of hers, it keeps singing the same old song! Love me love me say that you love me fool me fool me go on and fool me love me love me pretend that you love me leave me leave me just say that you need me

Sleep is the escape and the solution to most problems. Cheers!

OC Seems I'm not getting over you. I keep thinking of you and all the times we had together; the fun and the not so fun. I remember the days I used to complain, I was so naive, forgive me, I now know how much of an idiot I was to be sad in such a heaven. I miss everything about you. I miss hanging out with Mai, Roger, and Jaz in our office to brainstorm about problems that face us in work as well as all sorts of random stuff. I miss my room, the one on the lower ground in front of the door, where we get to hear (and sometimes see) every person that enters through the front door. I miss the furniture, the beanbags, the meeting room, the kitchen where we had a waleema every once in a while. I miss our tea drawer, and our 5 o'clock kalam fel sa2f and tea time. I miss all the sounds; people running around like we are in a kindergarten, Ereny yelling at them to calm down or complaining that she's bored and no one is playing with her, hearing Mardini or Ratib play the guitar, or...

Although it doesn't make any sense why so would like to read my venting and pouring out my pointless thoughts, but since some do, then they deserve an update. Family matters are working fine now, Karim (the bro) katab kitabo, Yousra (the sis) turned 18 and got her driver's license. Relationship with parents improving. We had a death in the family though which made me contemplate and think a a number of things. Guy turned out to be , just like the normal pattern of educated, well-read, well-traveled, and interesting people.... not appropriate for religious compatibility, so I aborted the pursuit, even on google. Naturally, there was a bit of disappointment, why is this pattern there? Guys who are interesting on the intellectual level have mostly abandoned believing in God. I almost thought it was not possible to ever meet my dream guy and started picturing myself as the old lonely woman in black who has 10 cats (, but then Meyo (the best friend), asked me a brilliant question. ...

Their eyes met. And with no introduction, she felt her spirits lifted, as his eyes whispered some hidden secret to hers. They exchanged a casual conversation and she excused herself and left. They met again a couple of days later, he left the room as swiftly as he entered. She wished she could talk to him, get to know him better, but it was not the time nor place. Sounds like a couple of lines from a trashy romantic novel? Well not really, they're a couple of moments from my own life. Not that they mean anything. I mean, we meet interesting people that we hope to get to know better all the time, no? And its not like I beleive in love (or like) at first sight , in the first place . And its not that I saw him again, anyway. Fa eih ba2a? Nothing really. There is a bit of guilt and a bit of happiness. Well guilt because of how I feel towards dude ( dude being the one I love who is in love with someone else ). I mean, how can one be interested in guy while they are in love with dude (g...

As a follow up to my post wait and see I decided to approach life, one bulk at a time. To be honest, it wasn't a "decision", rather , life started to sort out parts of itself, if that makes any sense. Work started to take a different turn after we launch the website Tuesday night. Lots of attitudes have changed. I realized there were some people do appreciate one's work, some very interesting people to get to know and dare I say some potential friendships if one looks closely. Still have mixed feelings about the nature of the job though. I think this shall clear itself out eventually as well. A short post for a change Yalla salam

They say they love you , but they keep trying to change you. So what is it that you love about me, if you want to turn me into you?

Besides loosing the ability to put my feelings and thoughts into writing, I realized that most of the time it's becoming easier for me not to talk stuff. I'd feel this huge load on my chest, keep thinking about it for hours, days and sometimes weeks, perhaps giving some main headlines to close friends, but not talk it off like I used to do in the past. I don't know if I lost the will to talk or just the talent to express. That is one of many changes that I am realizing about myself that make me very uncomfortable. I am actually forcing myself right now to do some writing-therapy. Get it out in the open, no matter how long or short this post becomes. I used to be a control freak; I can't say I liked it , but it was the way I knew how to handle things, the way my life went on. Now, I'm becoming so passive, always on the wait-and-see mood. And no, not the patience wait-and-see rather the passive, i-hope-things-work-out-without-me-needing-to-change-anything one. It'...

Out of the blue and without any introductions, I just want to share with you the most optimistic ayah in the Quraan. "قُلْ يَا عِبَادِيَ الَّذِينَ أَسْرَفُوا عَلَى أَنفُسِهِمْ لا تَقْنَطُوا مِن رَّحْمَةِ اللَّهِ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ جَمِيعًا إِنَّهُ هُوَ الْغَفُورُ الرَّحِيمُ " " "O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of God: for God forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."

A note to myself and anyone who can use a piece of advice: Stop being kind and understanding. Kind and understanding are the reason you are a push-over!

With my new job, I changed work location from Dokki, to Garden City. With the major parking issues in Garden City, I thought I'll park at the other side of Al Qasr Al Einy Street and walk a a couple of mins to the office. Aside from the fact that I failed at that horrendously , it's the walk that is important. The walk to the office would last from 5 to 15 mins depending on how far I parked. During this short walk, I'd watch people and what they do. Students going to school or university, people heading to work, random people just there in the street for no particular reason, people at an 2ahwa (local cafe), police officers, car keepers, doormen,...etc. That made me realize something, ragol al share3 al masry (By that I mean anonymous random people in the street, a friend doesnt count, neither someone you see in the office but don't know their name. I'm talking about the guy in the street that knows he will never see you again) Ragol Al Share3 Al Masry will see a...

Yesterday was my first day at the new office. I can't say that things happened fast, actually, it was a slow and painful decay. We've been struggling for about a year , trying as hard as we can. But unlike movies where when you gather all your willpower and energy things work well, they didn't. (which is another thing that movies don't tell you; It's not always true that when you work hard, you'll reach your destination) Anyway, for a month, I knew we were leaving. I didn't bother looking for alternatives, I just took the path that looked like the most logical (or that was already planned for me and required the least decision making) and things moved on from there. I'm in the new office, with 7 of my team mates (the luckiest of all the old company I guess as I got the most team members in my project). We're all in one room, which cuts down on communication time and increases efficiency but one has to forget about one's private space. I miss not ...

The hard part is, as it turns out, I'm not the protagonist in my own biography. And everybody else lives happily ever after. The End.

How does one differentiate between fear of something new and a bad hunch? Given a hunch is your inner feeling or your intuition, And since everyone is saying against it, And since everyone is always right, and its only after you're almost drowned that you realized you should have listened. Does this mean you should listen this time too? And if so, what do you do about this bad feeling tying you down? But then, the times when you followed advice , you ended up as messed up as when you followed your own guts. On one hand, you have someone to blame but on the other hand, you were a lot unhappy while following this advice as it didn't feel right. So , what do you do? Wait and see

Did you ever wish that someone in your life just disappears along with all the memories associated with them? Just like deleting a folder off their computer, doesn't the system ask you if you're sure you want to delete all the files inside it? That's exactly what I want to do. I can't hate that person enough, I should hate him more, I just don't have it in me to hate someone that much. It kills me to have a few remaining good/funny/emotional memories of him. And the feeling of injustice is overwhelming that it makes me act irrational sometimes. May you always suffer for messing up my peace of mind. May your heart ache for ruining my moment. May every memory we ever shared pain you as it pains me ,you made me hate the good times we shared. And yes.. that's not hate enough. He deserves more.

Do you guys know what happens inside the brain when try to convince yourself and believe in things that by definition are unnatural to you? Imagine a security gate at the entrance of your brain, which stops every incoming idea/value/theory/rule/analysis of situations/decisions... etc before it enters to question it and see where it fits within the natural classification of the brain. By natural classification, i'll assume that your brain already has different rooms for what you like and believe in, what you can accept but prefer not to be involved in, and what you can't absolutely acknowledge and others as needed So what happens is, that security gate sorts out which incoming go to which room. So far that sounds well and good, but what happens is, sometimes while an idea is roaming freely in your brain, it meets a certain "analysis of situation" which belong to a different room. They chat for a while and move on each to their designated place. Bardo 3adi, even if thes...

I just realized I never mentioned the other blog here.. Well I started another blog just for the cards so that I don't confuse interested followers of this one. If you are interested though, check http://zewwcards.blogspot.com/

Theories of brain structure and function have it that there are two sides of the brain: the right and left sides. The left side of the brain leans towards(or get stimulated by) logic, sequence, details, rules, facts, words and languages, practicality, strategies and patterns. The right side , on the other hand, gets stimulated by imagination, colors, symbols, images, spaces, feelings, intuition , and things that "sound right" more than things that "make sense". People tend to have preference to use either side more than the other, which obviously affects their education, growth, interests, hobbies and so forth. People who are 'left-brain-sided' (yes i made up that term) tend to be rational, analytic and objective. They prefer the maths and sciences and its easier for them to remember names rather than faces(or shapes). People who are 'right-brain-sided' tend to be more imaginative, creative and big-picture oriented. They prefer arts, philosophy &...

Tell me something everything anything! Tell me heroic stories from your past when you slayed dragons won many hearts or learnt to play the guitar Tell me of places, so far away, where the earth never touches the sky Tell me of mountains, of fountains ,of castles so high Tell me with poetry Tell me with words Tell me with songs Tell me with music Tell me with paintings Tell me with sculptures Tell me any way you see descriptive Tell me how my eyes are like heaven Tell me how beautiful I am Tell me how proud I should be Tell me you miss me Tell me you love me Tell me you want me Tell me you need me I don't want to talk about yesterday And tomorrow makes me cry So tonight all I want you to do is hold me in your arms and tell me - no - promise me you'll just try! Inspired by the love story of a close friend