A piece of my mind

How is one supposed to feel, when a very desirable gentleman, in the name of science, shares his "semi professional" opinion and says that I am beautiful, after a clear warning, that nothing in the conversation should be interpreted as flirtation? This would only happen to me, right?

Of course I know he's in love. I am no fool. The question here isn't the poetry he recites, the question is to whom! I , for one, am sure it's not me. He doesn't know me that well to love me. But who? We may never know

Am I giving up? You be the judge... I am happy being there for everyone to depend on. I love my work, I love being able to make a difference. I love the people around me; friends, family, coworkers...etc But I just need space. I feel exhausted and I need a break. I need a one way ticket away from this life, from emotional abuse, from responsibility, from the burdens. I need a fresh start somewhere new, with someone new, a clean page, a simpler life, at least until I can stand on my own two feet again. I need to know that the limitations of life could be left behind and new possibilities can happen. I need a break; a serious long break. And if that is giving up, then fine. I am giving up on this life and looking for a new one. The end

Dear friend I'll tell you now what I told you in 1998 (apparently I was much wiser then than I am now). If you keep waiting, she'll never be yours. You wait till "you're more stable", " you're sure she's the right person", "the time is right", "she's over the other guy", or even "you feel she's ready for something new". You know what, that will never happen. It's now or never, like it was then, when you didn't listen then you cried your heart out. One day, while you're busy waiting, she'll meet that guy, who may or may not be Prince Charming, and he won't be waiting, he'll sweep her off her feet, and you'll come back crying again!

About a week ago, a little after I published  this post, I had a conversation with someone I respect, a gentleman, a father and a mentor who has been around long enough, and traveled the world far enough, that when he judges, I don't feel like "what the hell does he know", which I do with most people.  I can' quite remember what brought this in a normal work related conversation, but he looked at me and said, "Egyptian men are the worst, they are the most dependent and least reliable compared to all other men. Most of them are Mama's boys. " I said I didn't really face the mama's-boy situation, I only wish they'd make up their mind about what they want pre-attempting it. And he said, " That's exactly it, they're used to Mama making the decision for them "

courtesy of Emily McDowell Saw this today and though of you. That's who you made me , and I hate it! I used to be nice, warm, genuine with my heart on my sleeve but hey, look at me now; a weirdo with a shattered heart, and hell of a lot of insecurities. And although it is 60% my fault, I don't forgive your 40%. And although I'm thinking about you while writing this, I am no longer preoccupied by you. It's taking time, but you're vanishing. "So long for all the fish", alright!

Prelude: my friend called me screaming her head off. She's been waiting for this guy to say "something" for almost 6 months, now. We go through his words, actions and reactions, he's obviously interested. He just won't get to it! So one thing that pisses me off from Arab men is their limitless ability to go around in circles. An Arab man would tiptoe and make up excuses to call/chat/email..etc, but just won't talk about "it". Seriously, what do you have to loose? A rejection? Well, get over it. I'd say, bring it out in the open, let's talk about "it", evaluate the possibilities and act accordingly. Why is it so easy in the west? I was in London for 1 year, I get asked out on dates more than the prior 6 years (eligible for dating) in Egypt. Someone in the Tube would go "So is it a good book as they claim?" after saying yes or no, "How about we go for a drink and talk about it?". At Uni,  a guy said "I not...