A piece of my mind

There , I said it. I even said the magic word. I can't believe this is happening to me; I used to be such a change-seeker. The word "change" in itself used to excite me, so did "new beginnings", "starting over", "moving on",...etc. But now, I'm terrified of change, in the last year or so, all change has been bad bad bad. Anything that happened on its own has not been to my favor. I thought it was because, perhaps, I'm such a control freak, trying to make everything work according to what I have in mind and to my plans. But actually, even now, when I'm life play its course, without me interfering, change is still bad. And coupled with the fear or rather phobia of change, comes my fear of loss. See, I could never deal well with loss; loss of loved one (death), loss of a loved thing (finished, stolen, ..etc), or loss of a relationship (breakups) and the greatest loss of all; loss of a memory (madness, amnesia ,..etc) I'm fearing ...

So I have a new job. A cool new job. As in, given the circumstances, one couldn't have wished for more. People are nice and friendly, very close to home, good salary and compensation package, and GCS has a lot that reminds me of my dear beloved OC. The new desk, on the 9th floor, overlooks Heliolido sporting club, just like mine, on the 11th floor, used to overlook Shooting club. My team have ubuntu OS, and work with PHP. Quite a friendly environment as opposed to what I used to think earlier, really, all great! So , why ya Yasmina ya gameela are you down? Well, I'm not exactly down, I just miss you ya Mostafa . I know for a fact I wasn't ready to work yet. True, I was concerned about my financial situation , but if things hadn't worked out the way they have( the whole thing was arranged and started in 2 days) , I probably will have lingered on , perhaps forever. I miss having you in my life, and everywhere I go, I expect you to show up and fulfill me like you used to...

Diet (5) After my four days break, i went on one more diet. This one was more about small quantities every two hours.. which , if you know me at all, is so unlike me. I hardly ever have breakfast, let alone snack between breakfast and lunch, and I usually have a good lunch then perhaps a dessert or dinner. Anyway.. this diet was torture.. besides the multi-meal thing, it was so full on fruits (I'm not a fruit person) and because of the limited amount of vegetables I eat, I ended up having sautee peas and carrots, and grilled chicken for lunch for 7 days.. You can imagine what that feels like..I almost hate them khalas.. Trying to not feel bad Tab3an, there's the thought "how spoilt of me.. people are dying of hunger and I'm complaining about having the same meal everyday!" well.. that only got me through the first few days, afterwhich , I totally lost interest in food in the first place..I only ate to survive.. didn't even bother to eat all what I could, I dr...