A piece of my mind

أتعجب كيف للإنسان تلك القدرة العجيبة لإسترجاع الذكريات المؤلمة... او بمعنى أدق , اتعجب من قدرة الانسان من "النكد على نفسه" و تجاهل كل قراراته ان يكون متفائل و ان يأخذ بزمام الامور . وجدت نفسى مستغرقة في البكاء و انا اشاهد مجموعة من الصور القديمة و استرجع الذكريات المرتبطة بها , و في تلك اللحظة كان امامي اختيارين : الاول الاستسلام لحنين الماضي و قراءة مدونتي القديمة و المراسلات المتعلقة بتك الفترة و الاستغراق فى لبكاء لساعات و ايام الثاني انشال نفسى من هذا الشعور بالفقدان و مزاولة الحياة و رغم انني عادة اختار الحنين و البكاء إلا اننى قررت ان اخذ الخيار الاصعب و اتوقف عن النكد عجيبة , و لكنى سعيدة!

Is really, "all well in love and ware" ? Just a thought!

I'm sure I mentioned this before here, how much I hate the new year with all its resolutions that never get done. Usually the new year blues continue till a little after my birthday (21 Jan). I'm usually disappointed about the things that I should have done and didn't or disturbed on how fast the year before flew. Well not this year! 2009 was the sorriest excuse of a year I had to go through. It was so bad that when it was over, I just didn't have enough energy to even think about the good things in that year (if any), and honestly, I couldn't bother. Anyway, I decided, to kick-start a good year 2010, I decided to celebrate my 29th birthday in London. My thirty something friends tell me that this is THE year I should enjoy as thirties isn't that great. But for me, honestly, I was just too drained I needed a break. Why London? London is where I realized who I really was, what I really like and explored different environments than what I was subjected to back hom...

I thought about it over and over again and I made my decision. Had it been a normal feature however big, we would have decided its not worth the effort. But wait, why compare it to a feature when its much much more. Had it been a proposed new project, the feasibility study would prove it not worthwhile, so we won't bother. So, I did study all the aspects, examine them closely and took a rational unemotional decision. I don't like life...I want out. My decision should neither imply that I'm depressed (although I am, but that's beside the point), nor that I am suicidal (cause I'm not at all). I'm just adding 1+1 rationally and unemotionally; I don't like life, I want out! Oh, and happy new year!