Warning: Ranting post ahead!
We've established a long time ago that I don't obviously have the skills or capabilities to be in a relationship, so I thought, what the hell, I'll surround myself with friends... who needs a relationship anyway, right?! Wrong... or maybe right.. I don't know anymore.
It never fails to amaze me how friends can drop you off their life and just move on 3adi keda. I might be high maintenance, but I was always under the impression that you get back what you give. I would like to think that I am a good friend; I call to make sure your doing good but not too much that I suffocate you, I give you your space when you need it, I respect your privacy even if I'm itching with curiosity, I'm always there for you when/if you need me, I try to be a funny and entertaining person telling fun stories (who needs a depressing friend anyway). But it seems something I do is wrong.
It really hurts when you realize that someone you considered dear dropped you off their life and moved on. It double hurts when you it happens for the second and third time and the hurt keeps on growing when you realize its becoming a pattern. You'd say, ya Yasmine, it can't be everyone else, it must be you. Mashi fine, probably so, but what do I do wrong? And why doesn't anyone bother to tell me? Maho keda it means that no one cares enough to say it. And its really sad; that feeling that I can go on for days without anyone bothering to call if I don't call first. It hurts me most that I can't think of a name to call in case of emergency cause none of my 'best' friends bother to pick up when I call. It feels really lonely.
It really hurts when you realize that someone you considered dear dropped you off their life and moved on. It double hurts when you it happens for the second and third time and the hurt keeps on growing when you realize its becoming a pattern. You'd say, ya Yasmine, it can't be everyone else, it must be you. Mashi fine, probably so, but what do I do wrong? And why doesn't anyone bother to tell me? Maho keda it means that no one cares enough to say it. And its really sad; that feeling that I can go on for days without anyone bothering to call if I don't call first. It hurts me most that I can't think of a name to call in case of emergency cause none of my 'best' friends bother to pick up when I call. It feels really lonely.
I'll say it again, I admit I am high maintenance, and most probably, I am a drama queen who expects too much of people, but that silly little heart of mine gets attached and zai el 3abeeta.. batsale7 b kelmeteen, so I wind up in an endless loop of building up expectations and disappointments until the day when I no longer felt I can proceed this way.
So what's next, my two favorite escapes: work and sleep. Burry myself at work until I can't take it anymore then sleep my free time away every single time I expect a friend to call. And at the end, I say it again and again...
So what's next, my two favorite escapes: work and sleep. Burry myself at work until I can't take it anymore then sleep my free time away every single time I expect a friend to call. And at the end, I say it again and again...
ليت لي قلب كهذه الصخرة الصماء!
خليل مطران--
Comments
It is like I was an idiot and they have been using me for their own good.
lesson learned, toz fe el game3, love yourself, and masla7tak aham. I don't mean tetmasla7y 3ala el2a5areen, bas mat5alesh 7ad yetmasla7 3aleky and don't give much.
but there is something I thought about, on the other side of this story.. there are others who highly regard us as their best friends, and we fail them every time.
it's like what comes around, goes around.. 7ata law we claimed the opposite, and that we care so much for friends, but at the end, no one can keep up with everybody and we must have dropped one or two along the way :)
I am always there to listen by the way, if you needed to talk.. wana - a semi friendless creature- 7ala2i a friend like you feen bas :))